Skulduggery Quotes

“Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed.
"Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs."
"Really?"
"Oh, yes."
She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?"
"They just are."
"In what way?"
"In a magicky way."
She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?"
"Not really.”

— Derek Landy

“What is it?' Stephanie whispered.
'That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.'
She looked at Skulduggery. 'You don't know what it is, do you?'
'I told you what it is, it's a horrible monster. Now shut up before it comes over here and eats us.”

— Derek Landy

“So that plan worked out well.'
Skulduggery, your entire plan consisted of, and I quote, "Let's get up close and then see what happens."'
All the same,' he said, 'I think the whole thing worked out rather beautifully.”

— Derek Landy

“Vengeous scowled. 'As you can see,' he said, 'you are vastly outnumbered.'
I usually am.'
Your situation has become quite untenable.'
It usually does.'
You are within moments of being swarmed by these filthy creatures of undeath and torn apart in a maelstrom of pain and fury.'
Skulduggery paused. 'Okay, that's a new one on me.”

— Derek Landy

“I need a weapon," Valkyrie muttered.
"You're an Elemental with a Necromancer ring, trained in
a variety of martial arts by some of the best fighters in the world," Skulduggery pointed out. "I'm fairly certain that makes you a weapon."
"I mean a weapon you hold. You have a gun, Tanith has a sword ... I want a stick."
"I'll buy you a stick for Christmas.”

— Derek Landy

“Both Matilda and Lavender were enthralled. It was quite clear to them that they were at this moment standing in the presence of a master. Here was somebody who had brought the art of skulduggery to the highest point of perfection, somebody, moreover, who was willing to risk life and limb in pursuit of her calling. They gazed in wonder at this goddess, and suddenly even the boil on her nose was no longer a blemish but a badge of courage.”

— Roald Dahl

“We're not really intruding," he called down. "This is all a big misunderstanding."
"Stop right there!" shouted one of them.
Skulduggery held his hand to an ear he didn't have.
"What's that?"
"Stop!"
"Keep going?"
"STOP!"
"OK, we'll keep going.”

— Derek Landy

“The rain battered the cottage. Valkyrie risked a look up at Skulduggery.
"What is it?" she whispered.
"It's a box," he whispered back.
"What kind of box?"
"A wooden one."
She gave him a look.”

— Derek Landy

“We're here on Sanctuary business," Skulduggery tried.
The man on Deadfall's right bristled, and Deadfall grinned. "Hear that, Pete? They're with that Sanctuary."
Hokum Pete snarled. "I hate the Sanctuary."
"Oh," Skulduggery said.
"We all hate the Sanctuary."
"Ah. Then we're not here on Sanctuary business. I was just joking.”

— Derek Landy

“You're in a bad mood,' Skulduggery said. 'I understand. I do. You're saying things that you don't really mean. It's OK.'
'I'll kill you both.'
'Hurtful things said in the heat of the moment. We're not going to hold it against you, Bison. We're all friends here.'
Valkyrie nodded. 'We love you Bison.'
'We do,' Skulduggery agreed. 'You're our favourite Necromancer. You're the cuddly one.'
'Shut up,' Dragonclaw said. 'Both of you just shut up.”

— Derek Landy

“It's fairly standard. Also, I'm fourteen. Also, your
beard's stupid."
"Isn't this fun?" Skulduggery said brightly. "The three of us
getting along so well.”

— Derek Landy

“Corrival looked around. 'So is this it? Is everyone here? Erskine, maybe you should start the ball rolling. I have places to go and things to do.'
'Me?' Ravel asked. 'Why do I have to start it? You're the most respected mage here. You start it, or Skulduggery.'
Skulduggery shook his head. 'I can't start it. I don't like most of these people. I might start shooting.”

— Derek Landy

“Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.
'I was trying to make up the sofa bed so you could get some rest,' he explained, and pointed to the second sofa across the room. 'Unfortunately, it would appear that that is the sofa bed, and this, apparently, is just a sofa.”

— Derek Landy

“Do you think we'll be waiting long?" Valkyrie asked,
keeping her voice low.
"The last time we were in this building, we accused the
Grand Mage of being a traitor," Skulduggery said. "Yes, I think
we'll be waiting long.”

— Derek Landy

“Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.”

— Derek Landy

“We're not robbing him," Skulduggery said." But I'm afraid I have some bad news."
"Is it Deacon?" Francine asked, her eyes wide.
"It is."
"Is he sick?"
"It's a little worse than that."
She gasped. "He's dying?"
"He was briefly dying," said Skulduggery. "Now he's dead.”

— Derek Landy

“So what does that actually mean?'
'To be honest, Ghastly, I haven't a bull's notion.'
'Elder Bespoke should be addressed by his full title,' Tipstaff said.
'Of course,' Skulduggery said. 'To be honest, Your Highness, I haven't a bull's notion.”

— Derek Landy

“Life isn't fair,' Skulduggery said. 'In my experience, death isn't so different.”

— Derek Landy

“I don't need you sensitive, Skulduggery. I need you aloof and irresponsible and arrogant. That's why I love you. That's why I let you hang out with me."
"I'm truly blessed."
She grinned. "You love me, too. Once you admit it, everything will be better."
"They're about to hook up the Cube to the Accelerator," he said, and turned and walked off.
She followed. "You can't run from your feelings."
"I can walk from them.”

— Derek Landy

“You need to find yourself a new hero. - Skulduggery Pleasant.”

— Derek Landy

“That was a good day for me," Skulduggery said. "I didn't have to hit anyone. I didn't have to shoot anyone. I just sat around and talked to my good friend and partner, Valkyrie Cain.”

— Derek Landy

“Valkyrie made a face. "Bloody vampires."
Ryan sat forward. "That was a vampire? That guy who looked like an accountant?"
"We don't talk about vampires," Skulduggery warned.
"But it was daytime. How could he have been out during the-"
"We don't talk about vampires!" Valkyrie said sharply.
Ryan shrunk back. "Sorry," he said.
"Don't worry about it," Skulduggery told him. "Valkyrie used to date a vampire that's all."
"We didn't date ," Valkyrie said immediately.
Skulduggery held a hand up. "I'm not judging."
Valkyrie scowled.”

— Derek Landy

“Thank you," Skulduggery said to her. "I fear he was about to start insulting me."
"I couldn't let that happen," she said. "Your ego is a fragile and delicate thing."
"You see? You understand me.”

— Derek Landy

“The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. "Ryan," he said, "stop leaning on my car.”

— Derek Landy

“We live in a time of fear," Skulduggery said, "where we're too scared of upsetting the status quo to ask the questions we need to be asking.”

— Derek Landy

“Skulduggery pleasant is the best book I've ever read and has enspired myself to become an author.”

— Derek Landy

“I wouldn't mind a sister either."
"Any chance of that happening?"
"I can't see what would be in it for my parents. I mean, they have the perfect daughter already - what more could they want?"
Tanith laughed, then tried to cover it up with a cough.
"Found something?" Skulduggery asked from behind them.
Tanith turned, looking serious. "No, sorry. I thought I had, but, no, it turned out to be, uh ... more floor."
Stephanie hugged herself, trying to stop her shoulders shaking from laughter.”

— Derek Landy

“Stephanie glared at Skulduggery. "What was wrong with the door? You could have just come down the stairs and walked out the door. Why did you have to jump out of the window?"
"You know why," Skulduggery said, walking away.
Axle looked up, tears streaming from his eyes. "Why did he do that? Why?"
Stephanie glowered. "Because doors are for people with no imagination," she said, and led Axle to the car.”

— Derek Landy

“He has a name."
"Oh yeah. Skulduggery isn't it?" Fletcher responded. "That's an unusual one. Tell me were you born a skeleton or were your folks just disturbingly hopeful?”

— Derek Landy

“Weren't expecting this, were you, Mr. Detective? Probably thought, once a mountain fell on her, you'd seen the last of our sister, eh?"
"To be honest," Skulduggery said, "yes.”

— Derek Landy

“Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!'
Skulduggery nodded. 'Just got back.”

— Derek Landy

“Detective, have you ever considered the fact that violence is the recourse of the uncivilised man?" Skulduggery looked back. "I'm sophisticated, charming, suave and debonair, Professor. But I have never claimed to be civilised.”

— Derek Landy

“I'm in the mood for some fighting." "If there is," Stephanie said, handing him his gun, "here's something you can use." "Ah, bless. I've missed her. Do you have bullets?" "Uh, no." Skulduggery paused. "Excellent," he said, and tucked the gun away.”

— Derek Landy

“Or you have twelve hours for us to save you, if you want to be half-glass full about it. Cheer up, Geoffrey, you have our full attention focused on your dilemma. Wait, where's my hat?"
Valkyrie picked it up off the armchair and handed it to him.
"Perfect," he said. "Now you have our full attention."
Scrutinous smiled gratefully, suddenly reassured that everything was going to be alright. The skeleton detective and Valkyrie Cain were on the case, and they would stop at nothing to solve it.
"I'm hungry," Valkyrie said.
Skulduggery nodded decisively, said, "Then let's get you something to eat," and Scrutinous sagged.”

— Derek Landy

“I am eternal. I am the night. I am the day. I am forever. And who are you?"
"I'm Skulduggery Pleasant."
"Oh, hell.
(The Horror Writers' Halloween Ball)”

— Derek Landy

“And I won't be needing a sword to kill you." He strode towards Skulduggery, who raised his hand. "Um, since you're not going to be using it, can I?”

— Derek Landy

“I am Detective Inspector Me. This is my partner, Detective Her."
The traffic warden frowned. "Her?"
"Me," said Stephanie.
"Him?"
"Not me," said Skulduggery. "Her."
"Me," said Stephanie.
"You?" said the traffic warden.
"Yes," said Stephanie.
"I'm sorry, who are you?"
Stephanie looked at him. "I'm Her, he's Me. Got it?”

— Derek Landy

“Have you ever heard of Remnants? - Skulduggery”

— Derek Landy

“We can hold them off," Shudder said. "What do you think, Skulduggery?"
"Should be fun," Skulduggery responded. "Valkyrie here has never held off a horde of zombies before. It'll be a good experience for her."
"Oh, joy," she muttered.”

— Derek Landy

“Mercenary now, is that it? Being paid to kill people?" "This is a special favour," the Warlock replied. "When it is over, when I am told my services are no longer required, I will return home." "What are you getting out of this? What is Dragonclaw doing for you in return? Or maybe it's not Dragonclaw. Maybe it's the Necromancers as a whole. What do they want?" "I can't see the point of telling you, seeing as how you will be dead soon." "What do you know of the Passage?" Skulduggery asked. The Warlock shook his head. "I don't know what that is, and we have talked enough." His hand bubbled and boiled, and”

— Derek Landy

“Well," Skulduggery said, "purely to get this out of the way, I'll just go ahead and say it. There does not seem to be any sign of a railway track on the carpet or, indeed, a train hiding behind the sofa. And I don't think one could have fitted through the door.”

— Derek Landy

“China's voice came through the phone. "Has the shark eaten him yet?"
"Not yet," Skulduggery muttered. "So what happens if I do it wrong?"
"Geoffrey gets eaten," China said. "Am I on loudspeaker?”

— Derek Landy

“Warlocks are dark sorcerers on a dark path. They eat the souls of their enemies to absorb their strength. I haven't gone up against one of them in ... a long time. I didn't think there were any left. - Skulduggery”

— Derek Landy

“I want you all to know," Skulduggery said, "that we are the first line of defence. In fact, we're practically the only line of defence. If we fail, there won't be a whole lot anyone else will be able to do. What I'm trying to say is that failure at this point isn't really the smart move to make. We are not to fail, do I make myself absolutely clear? Failure is bad, it won't help us in the short term and certainly won't do us any favours in the long run, and I think I've lost track of this speech, and I'm not too sure where it's headed. But I know where it started and that's what you've got to keep in mind. Where's my hat?”

— Derek Landy

“Why did you have to jump out of the window?"
"You know why," Skulduggery said, walking away.
Axle looked up, tears streaming from his eyes. "Why did he do that? Why?"
Stephanie glowered. "Because doors are for people with no imagination," she said.”

— Derek Landy

“That girl," Skulduggery muttered, "never does what she's bloody well told ...”

— Derek Landy

“Skulduggery? Where's Skulduggery?"
"I'm here," Skulduggery said. "I was beginning to think you were lost to us."
Finbar's mouth twitched into a brief smile. "Sorry. You're not going to get rid of me so easily.”

— Derek Landy

“Very good book! you're gonna have to read this amazing book. the main characters are Valkyrie Cain and the bony Skulduggery Pleasant and they have a good sense of humour. I think that Derek had done a good job at expressing the character's feelings and facial expressions. I love it how in every book there is a bad person and always tries to take over the world and Valkyrie tries to stop them.
Keep going
Derek Landy!
Write more books please!!!”

— Derek Landy

“Ghastly and Anton have been murdered. Ravel's betrayed us. Valkyrie is ... gone. The Dead Men have had their last stand and we've fallen, Saracen. The three of us are all that remain. - Skulduggery”

— Derek Landy

“Some may belittle politics, but we know - who are engaged in it - that it is where people stand tall. And, although I know it has its many harsh contentions, it is still the arena that sets the heart beating a little faster. And if it is, on occasions, the place of low skulduggery, it is more often the place for the pursuit of noble causes.”

— Tony Blair