Quotes About Your Baby

“It's funny-when people call you "shy," they usually smile. Like it's cute, some funny little habit you'll
grow out of when you're older, like the gaps in your grin when your baby teeth fall out. If they knew
how it felt-really being shy, not just unsure at first-they wouldn't smile. Not if they knew how the
feeling knots up your stomach or makes your palms sweat or robs you of the ability to say anything that
makes sense. It's not cute at all.”

— Claudia Gray

“Okay, Troy ... you're right. I'll take care of your baby for you ... cause ... like you say ... she's innocent ... and you can't visit the sins of the father upon the child. A motherless child has got a hard time. From right now ... this child got a mother. But you a womanless man.”

— August Wilson

“Love and marriage are about work and compromise. They're about seeing someone for what he is, being dissapointed , and deciding to stick around anyway. They're about commitment and comfort, not some kind of sudden, hysterical recognition'. 'That's not what I want. Disspointment and comfort is not what I want'. 'Why not? Because you expect it to be magical and mystical? Because you don't want to work?' 'Why can't it be magical? Why can't it be mystical?' 'Because if you count on magic and mysticism, then as soon as shit happens, as soon as life interferes, as soon as your stepson treats you badly, or your husband's ex-wife has a fit about something, or your baby dies, as soon as life happens, the magic will disappear and you'll be left with nothing. You can't count on magic. Trust me, I know. Sweetheart, little girl, you can't count on magic'.”

— Ayelet Waldman

“This one guy Roland was so weird that during sex his voice altered-as if he were a fucking alien-and he started talking like a baby in a bizarre high-pitched voice. He'd start screaming shit like, "I just want to fuck my baby! I'm your baby! Will you be my baby? Baby? Baby?" For one thing, he couldn't decide whether he was the baby or the daddy. Make up your mind, freak. I had to force myself out from under him and flee the apartment undressed, clutching my clothes.”

— Kathy Griffin

“Forget about people, what they think and what they say about you; focus on you and your dream. Learn new possibilities, let your dream grow in you, protect it because it's your baby. Don't let anyone or anything to make you lose focus.”

— Euginia Herlihy

“The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”

— Dave Barry

“It's part of us," she said jerkily. "How could I not want part of us? It's your baby.I'm carrying your baby and I love it so much already it terrifies me."
"Oh,Diana." He touched her then, gently, his hands on her face. "You've let two weeks go by when we could have been terrified together.”

— Nora Roberts

“Read! When your baby is finally down for the night, pick up a juicy book like Eat, Pray, Love or Pride and Prejudice or my personal favorite, Understanding Sleep Disorders: Narcolepsy and Apnea; A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my "plan" was for taking down the Christmas tree.”

— Tina Fey

“Ceri," I said softly. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Her vivid green eyes met mine. "I thought you'd be angry," she said with desperate worry. "Rachel, it's the only way I can get rid of it."
My lips parted. "You don't want it?"
Ceri's expression blanked. She stared wonderingly at me for a moment. "What are we talking about?" she asked cautiously.
"Your baby!"
Her mouth dropped open and she flushed scarlet.”

— Kim Harrison

“This is your baby sister, Christian. Her name is Mia."
Mommy lets me hold her. She is very small. With black, black hair.
She smiles. She has no teeth. I stick out my tongue. She has a bubbly laugh.
Mommy lets me hold the baby again. Her name is Mia.
I make her laugh. I hold her and hold her. She is safe when I hold her.
Elliot is not interested in Mia. She dribbles and cries.
And he wrinkles his nose when she does a poop.
When Mia is crying Elliot ignores her. I hold her and hold her and she stops.
She falls asleep in my arms.
"Mee a," I whisper.
"What did you say?! Mommy asks, and her face is white like a chalk.
"Mee a."
"Yes. Yes. Darling boy. Mia. Her name is Mia."
And Mommy starts to cry with happy, happy tears.”

— E.L. James

“I get this a lot: 'Oh, can you take a picture with my baby? Can you hold the baby?' I don't want to hold your baby! I'll hold my baby. I don't like holding someone else's baby. I'm serious! You never know what could happen. It's such an awkward position you're put in, and it's like, 'No, sorry.'”

— Juan Pablo Montoya

“Baby-carrying means your hearts are close together. It's a very intense and beautiful way to bond with your baby, very intimate. It's also easier than a stroller.”

— Kelly Cutrone

“The best parenting advice I ever got was from a labor nurse who told me the following:
1. After your baby gets here, the dog will just be a dog.
2. The terrible twos last through age three.
3. Never ask your child an open-ended question, such as "Do you want to go to bed now?" You won't want to hear the answer, believe me. "Do you want me to carry you upstairs, or do you want to walk upstairs to go to bed?" That way, you get the outcome you want and they feel empowered.”

— Jodi Picoult

“Your baby only needs a lot of light at night if he's reading or he's entertaining guests.”

— Lawrence Kutner

“I will sell all other things before JYSK. That's my baby, and you don't sell your baby.”

— Lars Larsen

“Everybody always talks about it, about how you don't know love until you meet your baby, and you really feel that. There are no words. It was a really wonderful surprise. And there is no way to prepare yourself for the sleep deprivation and what comes with it.”

— Hilary Duff

“There are no words that can describe the euphoria you feel when your baby recognizes you for the first time and smiles.”

— Jared Padalecki

“This rarely happens in a visit to the pediatrician's office, but it should. The good doctor would ask you about the health of your baby and give your little bundle of joy a routine examination. Then she'd look you in the eyes and ask some truly intrusive questions about your social life. "Do you have many friends?" the pediatrician would inquire. "What social groups do you and your husband belong to? How important are these groups to you? How diverse are they? How much contact time do you and your husband have with them?" The doctor doesn't ask about these things because your social life is none of her business. The problem is, it is plenty of the infant's business.”

— John Medina

“Nevertheless, even with all the very best tips and advice, parenting can sometimes make anyone feel frustrated, edgy, and inadequate. That's why it's crucial that you never shake-or even jiggle-your baby when you're angry! Please-if you're at the end of your patience, put your baby down (even if he is crying) and give yourself a break. Don't hesitate to call for help from your spouse, your family, a friend, or a crisis hotline.”

— Anonymous.

“That was the big joke, wasn't it? The answer to the riddle: There was no one up there in Heaven, making sure the accounts came out right. I'd solved it, hadn't I? Cracked the code? It was all just a joke. The god inside my brother's head was just his disease. My mother had knelt every night and prayed to her own steepled hands. Your baby died because of ... because of no particular reason at all. Your wife left you because you sucked all the oxygen out of the room, so you pretended she was the one in bed with you while you screwed your girlfriend and her boyfriend hid in the closet, watching.”

— Wally Lamb

“Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.”

— P. J. O'Rourke

“Moms, take it from me: do not buy your baby too many shoes when they're so tiny, because their feet grow every week.”

— Ciara

“If you know somebody very well, like your grandmother or your baby sister, you will know when they are real and when they are fake.”

— Lemony Snicket

“It's always hard - it's a little counterintuitive to leave your baby at any point during the infancy.”

— Kelli O'Hara

“You don't become a Republican until you lose all your baby teeth and fall down a lot and get the croup and then become angry and bitter.”

— Margaret Cho

“Please don't wait until the doctors tell you that you are going to have a baby to begin to take care of it. It is already there. Whatever you are, whatever you do, your baby will get it. Anything you eat, any worries that are on your mind will be for him or her. Can you tell me that you cannot smile? Think of the baby, and smile for him, for her, for the future generations. Please don't tell me that a smile and your sorrow just don't go together. It's your sorrow, but what about your baby? It's not his sorrow, its not her sorrow.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh

“Keep your baby eyes (which are the eyes of genius) on what we don't know”

— Lincoln Steffens

“The worst part of directing is always seeing the first assembly. It's devastating. It really is. It's like going into the delivery room and you can't wait to see your baby, and it's a crocodile.”

— David Ayer

“What happened to our friendship? I really think it's our obligation as friends to be brutally honest and be frank with them and say, 'Look, I'm sorry, but your baby is fking boring.'”

— David Cross

“Try flying any plane with a baby if you want a sense of what it must have been like to be a leper in the fourteenth century, but try the shuttle for the ultimate in shunning. All those men in suits, looking at you as if your baby is going to throw up over their speech drafts; all those men in suits who used to look at me with respect when I pulled out my American Express gold card, now barely able to conceal their contempt for me and my portable Wet Ones.”

— Nora Ephron

“To demand that others should provide you textbook prognoses is like asking a strange woman to give birth to your baby. There are insights that can be born only of your own pain, and they are the most precious.”

— Janusz Korczak

“When the girls were small, I heard Poppy tell one of her friends, "I don't see how you could ever have a favorite when there are just two: one will always and forever be your first, the miracle baby, the one who paves the way, strikes out for adventure-the intrepid one, the one who teaches you how to do what nature intended all along-and the other, oh the other will always be your baby, your darling, the one you surprised yourself by loving just as desperately much as you loved the first." Pursuant”

— Julia Glass

“Friends always say you don't realise how robust your baby is until you drop it.”

— Emily Watson

“It's gotten to the point where I think my friends would rather hang out with their own kids than hang out with me. And I'm like, "Alright, but where's the loyalty, man. I've known you for twenty-five years. How long have you known your baby, like, a month?"”

— Arj Barker

“Attachment parenting is this theory that if you wear your baby around and you sleep with your baby and you breast-feed for a long time, the baby will be more attached to you.”

— Sarah Ruhl

“Don't listen to anyone's advice. Listen to your baby ... There are so many books, doctors, and well-meaning friends and family. We like to say, 'You don't need a book. Your baby is a book. Just pick it up and read it.'”

— Mayim Bialik

“Your top job as a new parent is to love your baby like crazy. After showering her with affection, your next two important jobs are to feed her and to calm her when she cries.”

— Harvey Karp

“It gets super dark. I did a bunch of intense indie movies when I was starting out in my career and I was always in a bad mood because, when you're dealing with the subject matter of losing your baby, getting raped and all that stuff, it's not fun to go through. You really have to go there.”

— Busy Philipps

“It's hard to send your baby off on a plane without you, though that's less reasonable, because sending him off in a car is statistically a bigger risk.”

— Carolyn Hax

“A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time," you're the grandma.”

— Teresa Bloomingdale

“People often ask me, "What's the difference between couplehood and babyhood?" In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby backs, and numerous other untraceable sources-all creating an ever-present moistness in my life, which heretofore was mainly dry.”

— Paul Reiser

“Is everybody that depressed? It's a depressing feeling to me. You know: "I lost my baby." I don't care if you lost your baby, I care if you're feeling OK. Don't tell me your problem - tell me what good's been happening to you.”

— Alice Cooper

“I'm hidden in the scream when the virgin dies, I'm the ache in the belly when your baby cries, and I'm the burning sensation when the convict fries.”

— Alice Cooper

“Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.'”

— Anthony Jeselnik

“You know how as a kid you picture yourself with a tall, handsome husband, and you imagine him cuddling your baby? Ben is like that, like, on crack.”

— Jennifer Garner

“Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantless when your baby walks around pantless.”

— Tina Fey

“Dear Mama, don't cry, your baby boy's doin' good,
Tell the homies I'm in heaven, and they ain't got hoods.
Seen a show with Marvin Gaye last night, it had me shook,
Drippin' peppermint Schnapps, with Jackie Wilson, and Sam Cooke ...”

— Tupac Shakur

“Names are hard. I have a library of What to Name Your Baby books, and I'm always picking up new books, and books of baby names from other countries. I like cool-sounding names.”

— George R.R. Martin

“Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan ... how big is your baby?”

— Chelsea Handler

“Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to kill themselves. If your home contains a sharp, toxic object, your baby will locate it; if your home contains no such object, your baby will try to obtain one via mail order.”

— Dave Barry