Funny Dog Quotes

“Jack the Hellhound: "Make sure you get a booth in the back so they don't see you in assassin-gear and more importantly, to keep the handsome dog hidden."
Robert Knight: "Where's the handsome dog? All I see is an ugly mutt!"
Jack the Hellhound: "You're so funny I'm busting a gut.”

— Ben Garvey

“Being normal is overrated. Normal gets you what-the dolt husband with the 2.5 kids and the house with the dog? You seriously want that? I mean, one of those kids is going to be really funny looking, by the way, all cut in half like that. Who wants half a kid?”

— H.M. Ward

“What do you have in mind? Rebuild the city?" Eric asks. "Or should we skip to the repopulating part?"
"Shut up," Jost commands. "You aren't funny."
"Why? That's the nice part of getting stuck on a completely forsaken piece of dirt."
"You better hope that you find someone to help you do it then, because she's taken. I'm sure there's a nice dog around here somewhere. Maybe you should stick to your own species," Jost says.”

— Gennifer Albin

“I didn't do anything wrong. I swear.'
He grunted. 'Like I've never heard that before. Funny, but I expected a little more originality from Moira's daughter.'
'Yeah, well, the dog ate my notebook with all my good excuses.”

— Mindee Arnett

“He was a funny old dog. He liked strawberries.”

— Margaret Wise Brown

“Dogs are minor angels, and I don't mean that facetiously. They love unconditionally, forgive immediately, are the truest of friends, willing to do anything that makes us happy, etcetera. If we attributed some of those qualities to a person we would say they are special. If they had ALL of them, we would call them angelic. But because it's "only" a dog, we dismiss them as sweet or funny but little more. However when you think about it, what are the things that we most like in another human being? Many times those qualities are seen in our dogs every single day
we're just so used to them that we pay no attention.”

— Jonathan Carroll

“My little dog, he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.”

— Anna Held

“The best thing you can do when you're not feeling funny is go out and get more stimuli from the world, get out and walk around, read a book, go talk to some birds or a dog and replenish the well, as it were.”

— Rob Delaney

“I thought for a moment about the dog. Miffy. I guess no matter how much Rube and I complained about him, we knew we'd sort of miss him if something happened to him. It's funny how there are things in this world that do nothing but annoy you, but you know you'd miss them when they're gone. Miffy, the Pomeranian wonderdog, was one such thing.”

— Markus Zusak

“Her name is Hope?" John asked, the corners of his mouth beginning to tug upwards.
"No." I bristled, thinking he was making fun of me. Then I realized I'd been caught. "Well, all right ... so what if it is? I'm not going to name her after some depressing aspect of the Underworld like you do all your pets. I looked up the name Alastor. That was the name of one of the death horses that drew Hades's chariot. And Typhon?" I glanced at the dog, cavorting in and out of the waves, seemingly oblivious of the cold. "I can only imagine, but I'm sure it means something equally unpleasant."
"Typhon was the father of all monsters," John said. He'd given up trying to suppress his grin. "The deadliest of all the creatures in Greek mythology."
"Nice," I said sarcastically. "Well, I prefer to name my pets something that reminds me there's-"
"Hope?" His grin broadened.
"Very funny." True, I'd admitted to him that I was inexperienced. But I didn't have to prove it by acting like I was twelve.”

— Meg Cabot

“When Frank the Pug is singing I Will Survive, the only reason it's funny is that Will is in that shot trying not to get angry. A shot of a dog singing I Will Survive on its own will not get a laugh.”

— Barry Sonnenfeld

“It was Toto that made Dorothy laugh, and saved her from growing as gray as her other surroundings. Toto was not gray; he was a little black dog, with long silky hair and small black eyes that twinkled merrily on either side of his funny, wee nose. Toto played all day long, and Dorothy played with him, and loved him dearly.”

— L. Frank Baum

“Toto was not gray; he was a little black dog, with long silky hair and small black eyes that twinkled merrily on either side of his funny, wee nose.”

— L. Frank Baum

“Snowfall-funny name for a ski resort town,at least the falling part.It made me worry I would take my dog for a walk one afternoon and slip into an icy crevice,never to be heard from again. The only evidence that I'd ever existed would be Doofus the Irish setter, trotting happily home,dragging his leash.”

— Jennifer Echols

“I like to tell kids that I started thinking about stories when I first started reading stuff like Dr. Seuss and 'Go, Dog. Go!,' thinking, 'Oh yeah, that's funny. I'd like to do that.' And then writing throughout school, but at the same time I was studying pre-med stuff, because my mom told me I should be a doctor.”

— Jon Scieszka

“He laughed, but in the way people do who want to prove they get the joke. The Dutch do this a lot. They appear to live in terror of being mistaken for Germans, and to compensate by finding a funny side to life where none exists. Tell a Dutchman that your dog just died, and he will pretend that you have just made some impossibly witty remark.”

— Michael Lewis

“Could he be my Bertie, the cheeky butcher's boy? I had walked out with him when I was a reluctant servant in Mr Buchanan's household. Dear funny Bertie, who had been so self-conscious about reeking of meat. Bertie, the boy who had taken me to the fair and won me the little black-and-white china dog that was in my suitcase now, carefully wrapped in my nightgown to prevent any chips.”

— Jacqueline Wilson

“You can find something funny in anything! I'm sick as a dog and falling to bits, but I'll give up joking only after I give up the ghost! my last gasp! The proof, here, with only an eighth of a glimmer of light, things oozing out of my asshole, my armpits, and the elbows, too, blood coming out of the eyes, from the soupy mess of my grave, me whistling a tune, that's what you'll hear! A regular blackbird!”

— Louis-Ferdinand Céline

“Remember at the junior picnic, when someone whipped that dog at Jennifer's head? And Jennifer was laughing, like it was funny? Ted never copped to it, but I know he did it. I saw him. A-hole.'
Rachel shakes her head in disgust. 'She probably deals with that kind of crap every day ... '
'That's it. I'm going to ask Jennifer if she wants to sit with us today ... I don't like those little turds thinking they can make fun of her because she's on the list. Don't they have any respect for the fact that she's a senior? If she's with us, they wouldn't dare say anything.”

— Siobhan Vivian

“Yeah, 'Feed the Dog' is just a really fun, teenage movie with Nat Wolff and Selena Gomez and all these other great people. It's just so silly-funny, and my character's super-fun.”

— Heather Graham

“It's funny to me that people find other people getting coffee really interesting, or walking their dog in the dog park.”

— Jake Gyllenhaal

“My favorite type of pet has always been a dog. They're loyal, kind, and offer endless affection. My friend Eric says, 'The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.' Funny thought.”

— Brendon Urie

“He was being really cute and funny. Then he moved in close. I was terrified - I mean, I hardly know him, but it was also sort of exciting. Until we actually kissed.
Kendra, he had dog breath.”

— Brandon Mull

“What I do know is I've got a brain filled with jokes I can't forget - like a tumor the size of a grapefruit inside of my skull. And I know that eventually even dog shit turns white and stops stinking, but I have this permanent head filled with crap I've been trained my whole life to think is funny.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

“If you have a dog, and you're a person whose moods are constantly changing, there's a moment when you look at the dog, and you feel bad for them because they're attached to you, and so it's funny for the dog to vocalize those things in some ways.”

— Eileen Myles

“What's so funny?" Bella mumbled.
"I got food in her hair," I told her, chortling again.
"I'm not going to forget this, dog," Rosalie hissed.
"S'not so hard to erase a blond's memory," I countered. "Just blow in her ear."
Get some new jokes, "Rosalie snapped.”

— Stephenie Meyer

“What a goon, except it really is funny, me trying to sneeze a hot dog through my nose, and we're both laughing like total morons.”

— Rodman Philbrick

“I always thought that my canine family tended to view me as the funny-looking two-legged dog who runs the can opener.”

— Roger Caras

“I'm interested in stories which insist on a dog fails-to-eat-dog kind of world. I hate misanthropy, want to believe that there's a possibility that we might all be redeemed, that hope deferred makes the soul sick, that our humanity is fragile, funny, common, crazy, full of the longing for love, the failure of love.”

— Anthony Minghella

“I'm just a dog person. I love dogs very much, especially big ones, hounds, and retrievers. I think they are funny and often have good senses of humor. Plus, they give unconditional love.”

— Arthur Bradford

“You cannot hurt animals, so what do I do? I kill the dog first. Then I do it with the boy. You're not supposed to break the illusion of this being a film, so I make the actor talk to the audience. Provocation is the principle of the whole film [ Funny Games]. It is very ironic.”

— Michael Haneke

“I've risen from the dead. Though sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I feel like I've died. I swear I'm aging in dog years. But no, I'm not dead. It's funny how stuff like that gets started.”

— Tony Stewart

“It is fatal to let any dog know that he is funny, for he immediately loses his head and starts hamming it up.”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding? ... Noooo ... as funny as that is, I'm not”

— Ellen DeGeneres

“It is funny about money. And it is funny about identity. You are you because your little dog knows you, but when your public knows you and does not want to pay for you and when your public knows you and does want to pay for you, you are not the same you.”

— Gertrude Stein

“A human being having a full emotional conversation with a dog is funny, innately. It's one of those things where you get in a scene and you always go for what is the best joke, and a talking dog for some reason, whatever he says, is hilarious. (about his role wiht a talking dog in the forthcoming MEN IN BLACK sequel.”

— Will Smith

“I bring my dogs on set with me, and my little dog Karoo is smart as a whip. She knows where the craft-services food tables are, so anytime I can't find her, I know she has found her way to that area. She's a funny dog.”

— Hilary Swank