T.J. Klune Quotes

“I don't think this is working out between us," I told him. "You and I want different things. It's not me, it's you.”

— T.J. Klune

“I'll wait for you," he said as his hand dropped to his side, as his eyes began to dim. "I think I could wait for you forever.”

— T.J. Klune

“Float like a butterfly, sting like a unicorn ;)”

— T.J. Klune

Round 5: Telling him I felt bad about the puppy-shirt thing, I told him
we could go pick out a dog at the pound now that we had a yard for it.
Instead, I took him to the dentist. Winner: Bear "Rock Star" McKenna.

— T.J. Klune

Because sometimes it's about letting go of what your mind tells you and following what your heart shows you instead. That's how you know it will always be real.

— T.J. Klune

“Wait until you meet the therapist.
That bad?
Let's just say i can't believe he's a real person.
Like Santa Claus?
More like if Santa Claus and Ron Jeremy had a child and then that child had a child with Richard Simmons.
So, like a leprechaun?
Yes, Otter, exactly like a leprechaun.
I'm going to tell him I believe in Santa Claus, just to see what happens.
I dare you.”

— T.J. Klune

“You think I gave you crack?"
"Maybe."
Is there anything about me that screams crack?"
He grinned as he swayed. "Your butt crack," he whispered before dissolving into giggles.”

— T.J. Klune

“The ass to end all asses," I said, unable to stop myself. "The Holy Grail of asses. If we lived in a world with fairies and elves, there would be epic quests to go get that ass. I wanted to bite it.”

— T.J. Klune

“You know what they say, once you go dragon, all the rest is just laggin'."
"No one says that," I said. "Absolutely no one.”

— T.J. Klune

“Everyone grieves differently. No one handles the loss of a loved one the same. Some put on a brave face for others, keeping everything internal. Others let it all out at once and shatter, only to pick up the pieces just as quickly as they came apart. Still others don't grieve at all, implying they are incapable of emotion.
Then there are the ones like me, where grief is a badge we wear, where it's hard to let go because we don't want to. We probably wouldn't know how even is we wanted to. There's unanswered questions, unresolved feelings. Tere is anger that this person could even conceive of leaving us behind. We are the furious ones, the ones that scream at the injustice and the pain. We are the ones who obsess and slowly lose rational thought, knowing it is happening but unable to find a way to care. We are the ones who drown.”

— T.J. Klune

“Or not," I said as I ground my teeth. "I like to masticate by myself." "And you're so good at it," Gary said. "The up and down motions of your ... jaw. And then, upon completion, you swallow. Right, Sam? You swallow, don't you?" "Of course I do," I said, confused. What the hell were we talking about now? "I always swallow when I finish. What am I supposed to do? Spit it back out?”

— T.J. Klune

“I've raised you to be honest and kind. I've raised you to be brave and strong. If you become the man I think you'll be, then you and me will always be eye to eye.”

— T.J. Klune

“He sighs and bows his head, burying his face in his hands. I touch his hair. His ears. Bear may be my rock, but Dom is the force that moves me.”

— T.J. Klune

“You don't ever doubt me again," he said hoarsely before his mouth grazed my nipples, first the left and then the right. His scruffy beard scraped the skin beneath raw as he went back and forth. "I will fucking kill you if you ever doubt me again!" he snarled.
My eyes rolled back into their sockets at the weight of his words, the desperation in his voice matching the desperation in my movements. I moaned as he bit my nipple harder, almost chewing it between his teeth. I was trapped underneath him, and even though I knew I could push him away, I also knew I wouldn't.
"You answer me when I'm talking to you! " he roared.
"I won't," I breathed, my hands in his short hair. "Oh, God, I won't."
"You won't what! "
"I will never doubt you again!"
"You're damn right you won't.”

— T.J. Klune

“How would it feel to live a full life and have no one remember it, to have no one remember the extraordinary things you accomplished, even if it was just waking up every day and finding the courage to get out of bed?”

— T.J. Klune

“I realized that I love him pure and simple. It's not a matter of logic or function. It's a matter of my heart.”

— T.J. Klune

“Then it was just the two of us. Me and Captain Hetero of the Straight Brigade.”

— T.J. Klune

“I'm not jealous, he said jealously.”

— T.J. Klune

“I sit up straighter and puff out my chest a little bit, unsure why I'm doing so even as I do it. I know when I speak I'll have dropped my voice an octave to make myself seem more manly, and when I shake he hand, my grip will be tight and strong. Stupid, I know, but I'm a guy. It's what we do.”

— T.J. Klune

“I wonder now, with everything said and done, if things would have been different had I remembered what the Tree had told me. Would I have made the same decisions, the same mistakes? Where would I be, had I remembered? Had I listened? I have learned in my short time here on this world that we as humans are all capable of a great many things, our minds able to process so much. Too much, really.
But our greatest curse, our greatest folly, if you will, is our ability of hindsight.
Of regret.
Oh, Seven. How I wish I would have known.”

— T.J. Klune

This is your home." He reached up his other hand and gripped my face, pressing down hard against my cheeks.
I nodded.
"Say it!"
"I won't run," I whispered as I watched an angry tear trickling from his eye. I leaned forward and licked it away.

— T.J. Klune

I struggled not to laugh at the brand-new bottle of lube in his left hand and the unopened box of condoms in his right. He watched me, his expression dark.
"Just buy those?" I asked lightly.
He nodded once.
"Had it all worked out in your mind, did you?"
He nodded again.
"Have you ever fucked a man, Seven?"
He shook his head, his right hand squishing the box of condoms as he tightened his grip.
"And ... this is what you want?" I looked at his face then, watching for any signs of doubt. There were none as he nodded again.
I opened my arms. "Come here," I said softly.

— T.J. Klune

“For every person out there who says a man can't love another man, just know this: you're wrong because I have loved. I am loved.”

— T.J. Klune

“Even after two days, I can see that there are so many sides to him ... There's times he exudes such strength that it threatens to knock me flat ... Those are the times that I do believe he is an angel, that I do believe he guards us as he says he does. Then there are his other sides, most specifically when he seems unsure, hesitant ... His wonder is almost childlike in its mien. He sees things I no longer can because it is as if he's experiencing everything for the first time ... And then there's the darker part of him. I will send you and yours into the black. I don't want to think about that part. I don't want to know what "the black" is. It's only been two days since he fell from the sky, but those two days have shown just how little I really know about the world.”

— T.J. Klune

“He hesitates, then says, "You don't think Otter ... gets offended by what I say?" He begins to speak faster. "I mean, I don't care who Otter sleeps with. I don't care that he's a fa- gay. I don't care that he's gay. Why would I ?" He grins thinly. "He's my brother. You don't turn away from someone like him just because he likes sick instead if the good stuff.”

— T.J. Klune

“I was eight years old when I realized that my G.I. Joe and Optimus Prime were more than friends," I told her. "Theirs was a forbidden love that dared not speak its name."
"Optimus Prime is a robot," Jenny said. "Humans and robots can't be in love."
"Oh," Sandy groaned. "You shouldn't have said that."
"Blasphemy!" I hissed at her.
"It's true!" she insisted.
"I hope you never have children," I snapped.”

— T.J. Klune

Sam said he doesn't have time for a boyfriend, much less Knight Delicious Face."
"Remind me why you call him that?" Pete asked.
"Uh, pretty simple, Pete," I said. "He's a knight. And his face is delicious.

— T.J. Klune

“'But it's weird, right? It's like we're a gay bug zapper and all the gays keep flocking to us because they think we're bright and shiny, but all I want to do is electrocute most of them because they annoy the crap out of me with their high-pitched whining.'”

— T.J. Klune

“What, the glass is half-full instead of half-empty? Bullshit. What they don't tell you is that regardless of how full the glass is, it's filled with acid, and you'll burn your face off.”

— T.J. Klune

“'Es cor meum,' he murmured, his eyes dancing over my face.
Though I'd never heard the phrase, I responded: 'Ut tu meus.' As you are mine.”

— T.J. Klune

“'After what happened to the Toyota, Seven says you aren't allowed to drive a vehicle again worth more than fifteen grand.'
'What!' the Clock Twins said, sounding shocked.
'Billy! How are we supposed to pick up chicks in a crapmobile?' Tock groaned.”

— T.J. Klune

I wasn't smiling," he said. "I was doing lip stretches.

— T.J. Klune

“Sometimes, Gus didn't understand how he found himself in the situations that he did. Even if he was the common denominator, he obviously was not at fault. There had to be some other cosmic power that lorded over him. That made sense. Well, a lot of things made sense now that he was high.”

— T.J. Klune

How do I look? Gary asked, posing obscenely.

— T.J. Klune

“I can't do it. I can't get into a philosophical debate with an archangel, knowing how ridiculous it is and how unprepared I am.”

— T.J. Klune

“It'll be the Date to End All Dates," I told Gary as he nosed his way through my closet. "And yes, before you ask, it is capitalized just like it sounds. Great plans should always be capitalized.”

— T.J. Klune

LOL. Wuteva. "What the hell does that mean?" Gus asked. "Lawl? Lole? I don't speak youth!

— T.J. Klune

You sound like a young person. You are probably all hip to the lingo the kids use these days." "You and I are the same age, Mr. Tiberius.

— T.J. Klune

“You went full-on bitchy and made a dramatic exit?" He sounded way too gleeful over my histrionics. "I have taught you well, my young apprentice.”

— T.J. Klune

“Derrick?
I look back in the rearview mirror and see my little brother, Tyson, staring back at me with an expression on his face that I can't quite identify. Usually, he reserves calling me Derrick for when he is about to ask something serious, like if there is a planet of cows that have farms that milk people, then slaughter them for their tasty cutlets, or why mom left and didn't come back. He asks a lot of questions.”

— T.J. Klune

I told myself that once I was done ripping the seagull's head off, I would turn around and give a speech so saccharine that even Eddie wouldn't be able to console them when I was finished. I would destroy them, and they would drown in an ocean of their tears.
But first the seagull.

— T.J. Klune

“I don't want to know when you've been tied up in the fun way, I told him.”

— T.J. Klune

Later, when I'm on the edge of sleep, I hear him whisper, "You'll see. One day, you'll see what I've seen all along." And then I'm gone.

— T.J. Klune

The choices humans make are like a ripple in a pond. They carry from one to another, bouncing, dancing. Colliding. And still they go on. But you. The choices you make are like a tsunami in the ocean.

— T.J. Klune

“Gary snorted. When he did, little pink and purple sparkles shot out his nose. Being a unicorn is awesome like that.”

— T.J. Klune

He put his finger guns away. He should not be allowed to carry weapons of mass humiliation.

— T.J. Klune

“I thought I was mad, but I also thought I was really turned-on.”

— T.J. Klune

“Okay, time in. I can yell at whoever I want!"
"You really can't," Gary said. "It's unattractive on you. Some people pull off the angry look. You're not one of them.”

— T.J. Klune

“And yours is brown. Like bear-shit brown. Or maybe otter shit. Or maybe bear and otter shit combined.”

— T.J. Klune

'I believe that you will never know victory because you already assume you have it. And that, my son, will be your undoing.' He's still smiling when the gray-eyed man shoots him in the head.

— T.J. Klune