Ron Funches Quotes

“Being nice can be funny. A lot of my jokes are like, 'Let me take a bad situation and try to put the best spin on it.'”

— Ron Funches

We all have enemies, but my enemies would probably describe me as surprisingly ruthless.

— Ron Funches

“I like the Bulls, the Bears - Chicago.”

— Ron Funches

“I love Nintendo, I'll never not love Nintendo. I want to play new Zeldas, basically.”

— Ron Funches

“I think my comedy is about finding the good in bad situations - finding the joy. Why be angry? It doesn't help anything.”

— Ron Funches

If I'm super scared or sick, I'll still suck my thumb.

— Ron Funches

“'Malcolm X' was impressionable for me as a kid.”

— Ron Funches

“My breakfast is usually some oatmeal and berries and some agave, or a protein shake.”

— Ron Funches

“My comedy is kind of a counteraction to some of the comedy I don't like. Or things I don't like.”

— Ron Funches

“My mom could afford to put us in a Catholic school for grades one through seven, but not after that.”

— Ron Funches

“We definitely have a Wii U. It gets pulled out whenever there's a new great game coming out.”

— Ron Funches

“When you get to be a certain size as a man, all the shirts end up having giant dogs on them or things like that!”

— Ron Funches

“A lady emailed me that her child had been diagnosed with autism and that hearing my material on the subject had helped her. To me, it just means that I'm making the right decision in talking about this.”

— Ron Funches

Chicago is an extremely rough place to grow up in. Especially if you're the only brother on the block that's into bumpin' Alanis Morrisette ... So 'You Oughta Know,' I moved to Oregon.

— Ron Funches

Doing five-minute sets on 'Conan' and things like that are fun and a great way to introduce yourself, but it's such a constricting time, and you usually have to cut bits down.

— Ron Funches

“I look forward to going to Chicago because it's where I grew up, and the food there is so munch. Especially during the winter, I get deep dish pizza or Italian beef, and it warms me up. It's something I don't normally get, especially here in L.A. where you're always trying to be healthy.”

— Ron Funches

“I love a good Roy Rogers or Shirley Temple, and I had to give those up. And Philly cheesesteaks. I love Philly cheesesteaks, and now they really aren't around anymore.”

— Ron Funches

“I think I'd probably be really good friends with Hulk Hogan. I think we'd get along, and I'd, like, chill him out because he'd be all rambunctious and rowdy, and I'd be like, 'Chill out, Hulk Hogan. Everything will be okay.' And he'd be like, 'Thanks, Ron.' And then we'd form a friendship.”

— Ron Funches

“I think that's the difference between meetings in New York and L.A. In New York, it's like, 'Be there, and be there on time.' In L.A. it's like, 'Oh, we get it. You might have ran into traffic. We'll reschedule.'”

— Ron Funches

“I was always interested in comedy, like when I was 5 years old. I watched 'I Love Lucy' and 'Benny Hill.' I would always joke around with my sister. My mom was into comedy, too. She would go to the video store and get a couple of movies and some stand-up comedians' tapes.”

— Ron Funches

I'm sauteing asparagus, Brussels sprouts,broccoli, some boneless, skinless chicken breast, some halibut. That's about it; that's all I'm allowed. That's what's legal for me to saute.

— Ron Funches

I've worked as grocery store cashier; I've worked at a bank call center and as a Lady Liberty for Liberty Tax Service dancing around with the sign for a while.

— Ron Funches

In any great art, you create a world, and you invite people into that world, and hopefully, it's fleshed out enough and you've explained it well enough.

— Ron Funches

“Some of my biggest influences are people like Steven Wright and Todd Berry. I'm a shy person, and I don't think people who aspire to do comedy think that's an option.”

— Ron Funches

“That's one thing I love about my son - he's just a gamer at heart, he loves everything. He'll still play 'Pole Position,' or just old things at an arcade. He just loves games. He's not a graphics snob at all. I love him.”

— Ron Funches

The worst job I ever had was working as a Lady Liberty sign-twirler for a tax services place, where I'd just dance and have fun. The way I talk about it makes it sounds like a fun job - but then I got a staph infection from the costume. So that was probably the worst part about it.

— Ron Funches

“Trying to maintain your health on the road can be difficult. Especially in the middle of the country where they close by 9 and you're not out of work until midnight. You end up at a McDonald's or Taco Bell.”

— Ron Funches

Raising a child is like taking care of someone who's on way too many shrooms, while you yourself are on a moderate amount of shrooms. I am not confident in my decisions, but I know you should not be eating a mousepad.

— Ron Funches