Judy Gold Quotes

“If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car”

— Judy Gold

“Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative.”

— Judy Gold

My Shabbat dinner is not to be reckoned with.

— Judy Gold

“I'm not selfish at all.”

— Judy Gold

“Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh.”

— Judy Gold

“I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family.”

— Judy Gold

“I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion.”

— Judy Gold

“Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was.”

— Judy Gold

“The first time I did stand-up was on a dare.”

— Judy Gold

“Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing.”

— Judy Gold

“I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do.”

— Judy Gold

“I love being a Givenik Ambassador. Not only does it give me a platform to discuss my favorite charities, but I get to talk about my other favorite topic - 'The Judy Show!'”

— Judy Gold

“I would love to get married, first of all, from my children's perspective. People don't think of children when they think of gay marriage, but I do have children, and for them to see their family validated as other families are validated and protected by our government, yes.”

— Judy Gold

“Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.'”

— Judy Gold

“I've gotten resistance for my entire career.”

— Judy Gold

“If I was married to a man, and I had the same life situation that I have, it's the perfect recipe for a sitcom.”

— Judy Gold

“Comedy is all about having a point of view, and it's also about power.”

— Judy Gold

“Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage.”

— Judy Gold

“Growing up in New Jersey, bat mitzvas were all about the elegant parties.”

— Judy Gold

I always dreamed of living in N.Y.C.

— Judy Gold

“I like being able to donate my comedy to charity. I'm not a billionaire, and I can't write checks.”

— Judy Gold

“I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I live in a 950-square-foot apartment with one bathroom and two sons.”

— Judy Gold

“I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners.”

— Judy Gold

If I wasn't true to myself, I couldn't live with myself.

— Judy Gold

In America, I've been told so many times that I look 'too Jewish' that I stopped counting.

— Judy Gold

“It's fun to be someone else.”

— Judy Gold

“Joan Rivers was a role model to comics everywhere, but especially to women. She got the first laugh and the last laugh.”

— Judy Gold

“Joan Rivers was my hero.”

— Judy Gold

“Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience.”

— Judy Gold

“My mother loves it when I talk about her. Half the time, I think she says things that she knows will go straight into the act.”

— Judy Gold

“My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting.”

— Judy Gold

“Some people use stand-up to get something else in their careers, but it's truly the art form of stand-up I love.”

— Judy Gold

“The fight in theatre is focus, focus, focus.”

— Judy Gold

“There is no reason to be ashamed of who you are.”

— Judy Gold

“There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage.”

— Judy Gold

“To have a job making people laugh really is the greatest thing.”

— Judy Gold

“Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I.”

— Judy Gold

We all know showbiz isn't easy, but being a comic - especially being a female comic - can be quite punishing.

— Judy Gold

When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews.

— Judy Gold

Women are taught that if you want to be a lady, keep your opinions to yourself and be polite.

— Judy Gold

My desire for my own sitcom began as a little girl - I spent hours lying on my belly on the shag carpeting getting lost in the world of the '70s sitcom. All I wanted to do was run away to the Brady house, The Partridge Family bus; even the project on 'Good Times' seemed better than Clark, NJ.

— Judy Gold

“I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.'”

— Judy Gold

“I started taking all these cooking classes. I learned a lot in them, but you think you're going to retain it, and you don't. Under the pressure, it's hard to retain everything.”

— Judy Gold

I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize.

— Judy Gold

“Of course I love cooking Eastern European food because I'm a Jew, but I also love making roast chicken. I love making Hungarian goulash. There are a lot of egg noodles in my cooking.”

— Judy Gold

“Over the years, things got so bad between my mother and I, we stopped talking to each other and started communicating by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator.”

— Judy Gold

“When I was a kid, I'd read about celebrities who didn't want to talk to their fans after a show. I told myself, 'That's terrible, and I would never do that.'”

— Judy Gold

“My doctor said I had OCD. I couldn't believe it. I had to call him nine times to make sure.”

— Judy Gold

“Twelve years ago my mother gets her cataracts removed. So twelve years ago the doctor gives her these enormous sunglasses to wear to protect her eyes from the sun for 4-6 weeks after the operation ... twelve years ago. She still wears them. She thinks they're attractive. She looks like Bea Arthur as a welder.”

— Judy Gold

I have a nice little house in LA. Well, the bedroom is nice. I have French doors in the bedroom. They don't open unless I lick them.

— Judy Gold