John Barnes Quotes

Enjoy the top 34 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by John Barnes.

John Barnes Quotes

Fox News gets to the heart of the Zombie Reagan story:
Well, Jeremy, of course on line polls are not at all scientific, in fact theyre pretty much completely bogus and in this case its one that was made up on the spot by a high school student, but we all know that misleading non-information is always better than dead air, so here goes. The earliest survey taken since the rather startling resurrection of the former president is looking awfully good for the challenger and awfully not good for President Obama.
— John Barnes —

I think everyone always has time to suffer.

— John Barnes

Can I ask you something personal?
Six inches but I tell everyone eight.

— John Barnes

You know, when someone hurts my feelings, somehow it does not comfort me to know that it was deliberate ... On the other hand, knowing that someone else thinks they are assholes helps a great deal."
"I think that's some kind of rule for the universe.

— John Barnes

There's a rule or something that if a girl can crack you up, you have to do what she says.

— John Barnes

Once you were in, they put a note in your file that said you were in therapy, and all your teachers saw that file. They might as well have tattooed CRAZY on your forehead. The next year every teacher would be watching you for the first weird thing you did-and has there ever been a kid who never does anything an adult considers weird?

— John Barnes

I guess when life hands you lemons, chop 'em up and get lemonade; when life hands you cats, chop 'em up and get pussy.

— John Barnes

Useless people are not improved by giving them the impression they are useful.

— John Barnes

Slow down, and enjoy that stuff if it's possible. Kathy doesn't care what time I leave, only what time I clock out, and she knows sometimes I sleep here when I'm locked out, or have friends over. Everything's cool as long as I clock out on time."
She swallowed that big bite she'd rammed in, and said, "Okay. Jeez, I'm so hungry, this stuff is good."
Ketchup for your fries, miss? I can recommend it-it's my main source of vitamin C."
She smiled. "Sure. What does Kathy do if you clock out late?"
Well, a couple times I've fallen asleep and done it, and gotten off with a warning. Eventually, though, if I made a habit of it, I'd disappear in the middle of the night, and never be seen again, and the only clues the police would have would be a few orange hairs and some enormous shoe prints. But for a few weeks afterward, all over the country, the Quarter Pounders would taste just a little bit more like Lightsburg, Ohio.

— John Barnes

Supposedly nobody outside the group knew there was a group. Of course we all knew that wasn't true. High school was like the little clear plastic tunnels that Paul's hamsters lived in: you could run a long way but never get out, and always, everyone could see you.

— John Barnes

I realized after I got Jesus, I'd marry "that good woman who put me right with the Lord, got me away from the bottle and taught me what life is really all about." Which was to say, some church girl that resembles a pile of loose fat upholstered with pale goopy skin, and whose whole life is chocolate cake and visiting her sister.

— John Barnes

In the light of the crappy little lamp, all I was looking at was a frizzy mop of blonde hair and a bare back with one big angry red patch on it, but Jesus fucking God she was beautiful, and if you don't understand that, I'm sorry for you.

— John Barnes

Don't underrate ordinary human decency," Josh said quietly. "There's more of heaven in a guy who hands a cold soda to a hot, tired panhandler than there is in fifty moral philosophers.

— John Barnes

They only trusted the wisdom of people brighter and more worldly than themselves when it was expressed in the vocabulary and style of rural idiots. In his guise as Brazenydol, he had once had a contract with DARPA to teach a team of physicists the basic terminology of tractor pulls so that they could give an acceptable explanation of omniwavelength stealth to a Congressional committee that didn't understand tractor pulls, either.

— John Barnes

Fox News gets to the heart of the Zombie Reagan story:
Well, Jeremy, of course on line polls are not at all scientific, in fact they're pretty much completely bogus and in this case it's one that was made up on the spot by a high school student, but we all know that misleading non-information is always better than dead air, so here goes. The earliest survey taken since the rather startling resurrection of the former president is looking awfully good for the challenger and awfully not good for President Obama.

— John Barnes

By noon everyone had heard that I had spent the night with Marti in a hotel room and when the cops came by, with our mothers, I had asked for time to get dressed. It was also all over the school that I had deliberately provoked Gratz and lived to tell of it, and that Paul had knocked me flat. And on top of that, Spooky Darla had given me a thermonuclear kiss in public.
No getting away from it: I was now Public Madman Number One.

— John Barnes

If you look at the last decade of global temperature, it's not increasing,

— John Barnes

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