James Alan Gardner Quotes

“Everyone's life is a mess. Everyone's. We all make mistakes ... and not just little slip-ups. Major mistakes that hurt us and other people.”

— James Alan Gardner

“Don't be a little paranoid; worry about everything, or let it all go.”

— James Alan Gardner

“If you agree to work for us, half the time you won't know the purpose of your duties ... and when we do explain, we might not be telling the truth. But that's the real world, folks ...”

— James Alan Gardner

“Sometimes all the procedures in the world can't protect you ... but that's no reason to walk up to something that looks like a lion and kick it in the ass.”

— James Alan Gardner

I like people thinking I'm an asshole. Being an asshole is my life's vocation; I'm a goddamned asshole professional.

— James Alan Gardner

“I do not care about the greatest good for the greatest number ... Most people are poop-heads I do not care about them at all.”

— James Alan Gardner

We're ruthless bastards and we always play dirty.

— James Alan Gardner

“Given time, a ship's crew will attach sexual innuendo to anything. It makes their jobs more exciting.”

— James Alan Gardner

What kind of programmer is so divorced from reality that she thinks she'll get complex software right the first time?

— James Alan Gardner

“That's the first rule of command; be consistent! You can be sadistic, you can be lazy, you can be stupid, but if you're consistent the crew will still let you sit in when they play dominoes.”

— James Alan Gardner

Fate does not invite ugly boring people to save the world; and if you do try to save the world (without being beautiful, strong, clever, or wise), you will soon die pointlessly and how much adventure is there in that?

— James Alan Gardner

The council is a place where everyone schemes against everyone else, and people talk incessantly about Power with a capital "Pow".

— James Alan Gardner

Don't be such a party-pooper, missy
when you're well and truly screwed, either you just sit pissing yourself or you invent some reason to hope.

— James Alan Gardner

“That must be the chief reason to become sergeant; so you can assign yourself to monitor the most beautiful security risk.”

— James Alan Gardner

“You clutch your comfortable excuses, saying, Someday I'll be brave, it won't take a lot, just give me one more chance and this time I'll grab it.”

— James Alan Gardner

“The way past despair and false hope is just letting go. It doesn't improve your odds of survival, but it doesn't waste mental energy.”

— James Alan Gardner

“Ah, but I am more perceptive than most of the universe. Especially the parts of the universe that are vacuum.”

— James Alan Gardner

“Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty, and some see it crawling with toxic alien parasites who want to devour your pancreas.”

— James Alan Gardner

Lawyers will always buckle under to something, whether its bribes, violence, court orders, or the weight of their own bullshit.

— James Alan Gardner

“Deliberate choices are the only sacred things in the universe. Everything else is just hydrogen.”

— James Alan Gardner

“Having a perilous adventure is always better than comatose safety. Always, always, always, always, always.”

— James Alan Gardner

You don't free yourself from duty by running away. That only increases the weight on your shoulders.

— James Alan Gardner

“I hated relying on luck. When it worked, it made me feel so damned eerie.”

— James Alan Gardner

“It is strange how the presence of additional people can make you feel more alone.”

— James Alan Gardner