Too Old Funny Quotes

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Too Old Funny Quotes

On this Thursday, on this particular walk to school, there was an old frog croaking in the stream behind the hedge as we went by. Can you hear him, Danny? Yes, I said, That is a bullfrog calling to his wife. He does it by blowing out his dewlap and letting it go with a burp. What is a dewlap? I asked. Its the loose skin on his throat. He can blow it up just like a balloon. What happens when his wife hears him? She goes hopping over to him. She is very happy to have been invited. But Ill tell you something very funny about the old bullfrog. He often becomes so pleased with the sound of his own voice that his wife has to nudge him several times before hell stop his burping and turn round to hug her. That made me laugh. Dont laugh too loud, he said, twinkling at me with his eyes. We men are not so very different from the bullfrog.
— Roald Dahl —

Our culture teaches that sex is for the sexy, and the only way to be sexy is to be pretty.
No wait
that's still too weak. Sex should properly arise from sexiness. For unsexy people
fat people, old people, funny-looking people, disabled people
to even feel sexual desire is inappropriate, perverse, disgusting. For them to engage in sexual display is offensive. For them to have sex ... well, there oughta be a law.

— Vinnie Tesla

On this Thursday, on this particular walk to school, there was an old frog croaking in the stream behind the hedge as we went by.
'Can you hear him, Danny?'
'Yes,' I said,
'That is a bullfrog calling to his wife. He does it by blowing out his dewlap and letting it go with a burp.'
'What is a dewlap?' I asked.
'It's the loose skin on his throat. He can blow it up just like a balloon.'
'What happens when his wife hears him?'
'She goes hopping over to him. She is very happy to have been invited. But I'll tell you something very funny about the old bullfrog. He often becomes so pleased with the sound of his own voice that his wife has to nudge him several times before he'll stop his burping and turn round to hug her.'
That made me laugh.
'Dont laugh too loud,' he said, twinkling at me with his eyes. 'We men are not so very different from the bullfrog.

— Roald Dahl

I look up at the sky, wondering if I'll catch a glimpse of kindness there, but I don't. All I see are indifferent summer clouds drifting over the Pacific. And they have nothing to say to me. Clouds are always taciturn. I probably shouldn't be looking up at them. What I should be looking at is inside of me. Like staring down into a deep well. Can I see kindness there? No, all I see is my own nature. My own individual, stubborn, uncooperative often self-centered nature that still doubts itself
that, when troubles occur, tries to find something funny, or something nearly funny, about the situation. I've carried this character around like an old suitcase, down a long, dusty path. I'm not carrying it because I like it. The contents are too heavy, and it looks crummy, fraying in spots. I've carried it with me because there was nothing else I was supposed to carry. Still, I guess I have grown attached to it. As you might expect.

— Haruki Murakami

I'm so excited. Jay Leno is on the show tonight. He brought some really funny jokes and some great stories. Although I'm a little concerned he also brought his old desk and Kevin Eubanks. I just want Jay to be comfortable, but not too comfortable.

— Jimmy Fallon

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