Thanks To You Mom Quotes

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Thanks To You Mom Quotes

I lost myself immediately in one of the books, only emerging when the phone rang. "Dashiell?" my father intoned. As if someone else with my voice might be answering the phone at my mothers apartment. "Yes, Father?" "Leeza and I would like to wish you a merry Christmas." "Thank you, Father. And to you, as well." [awkward pause] [even more awkward pause] "I hope your mother isnt giving you any trouble." Oh, Father, I love it when you play this game. "She told me if I clean all the ashes out of the grate, then Ill be able to help my sisters get ready for the ball." "Its Christmas, Dashiell. Cant you give that attitude a rest?" "Merry Christmas, Dad. And thanks for the presents." "What presents?" "Im sorry—those were all from Mom, werent they?" "Dashiell ... " "I gotta go. The gingerbread men are on
— Rachel Cohn —

Went home briefly to get my halter dress for Hero's party, and Mom was waiting for me at the kitchen table. Either she's psychic, or she totally reads my journal, because I haven't said a word about Ben, but somehow she knows something is up.
She was siting with a tray of peanut butter crackers, milk, and about twenty pamphlets on STDs she got from her friend Connie, a nurse at Kaiser. When she started showing me pictures of genital warts, I put my cracker down and said, 'Mom, is this really necessary?' She said, 'Honey, I just want you to understand the risks.'
'Yeah, thanks. Now I'm so traumatized I won't have sex until I'm a senior citizen.'
She smiled. 'Great. I guess I've done my job then. Do you want a sandwich.

— Jody Gehrman

These are all direct quotes, except every time they use a curse word, I'm going to use the name of a famous American poet:
'You Walt Whitman-ing, Edna St. Vincent Millay! Go Emily Dickinson your mom!'
'Thanks for the advice, you pathetic piece of E.E. Cummings, but I think I'm gonna pass.'
'You Robert Frost-ing Nikki Giovanni! Get a life, nerd. You're a virgin.'
'Hey bro, you need to go outside and get some fresh air into you. Or a girlfriend.'
I need to get a girlfriend into me? I think that shows a fundamental lack of comprehension about how babies are made.

— John Green

My mom stares at him in disbelief. "This is thanks to your schemes. You pressured her to choose you ... to choose Wonderland over her other side. What did you think would happen?"
Morpheus hunches lower, miserable.

— A.G. Howard

Thanks to my mother, I was raised to have a morbid imagination. When I was a child, she often talked about death as warning, as an unavoidable matter of fact. Little Debbie's mom down the block might say, 'Honey, look both ways before crossing the street.' My mother's version: 'You don't look, you get smash flat like sand dab.' (Sand dabs were the cheap fish we bought live in the market, distinguished in my mind by their two eyes affixed on one side of their woebegone cartoon faces.)
The warnings grew worse, depending on the danger at hand. Sex education, for example, consisted of the following advice: 'Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill youself.

— Amy Tan

I know what I'm looking for, my brain just can't get to it. It's like if you decided you wanted that glass of water, only your hand won't pick it up. You ask it nicely, you threaten it, but it just won't budge. You might finally get it to move, but then you grab the saltshaker instead, or you knock the glass and spill the water all over the table. Or by the time you get your hand to hold the glass and bring it to your lips, the itch in your throat has cleared, and you don't need a drink anymore. The moment of need has passed." "That sounds like torture, Mom." "It is." "I'm so sorry you have this." "Thanks.

— Lisa Genova

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