Yahtzee Croshaw Quotes

Enjoy the top 54 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Yahtzee Croshaw.

Yahtzee Croshaw Quotes

State your HURRAAARRGLAB," went the monarch.
"Mr. Wonderful," said the advisor, daintily wiping the kings mouth with a hanky. "What do we keep telling you about your interrogation methods? The informations never reliable and it really hurts our image."
"Its all right," I sighed. "This is my actual face.
— Yahtzee Croshaw —

Well we've left behind the 200X's, and we move onto the 20XX's. Maybe that will finally make us feel like we're living in the future, rather than a media controlled slave state where an iPhone is worth substantially more than a human life. Happy new year.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

The root problem with Christianity is that their god is supposed to be all-powerful and benevolent. It sounds like an easy sell, but when life turns completely to shit, you have to come up with all kinds of whacked-out reasons for why kindly old Jehovah saw fit to run over little Timmy with a combine harvester and leave him in a state of vegetative, limbless agony for eighteen years.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

He seemed to notice for the first time that we weren't exactly rushing to his side, but were mainly watching him as a zoo patron would watch a crazy monkey, curious but ready to move at the first sign of poo-flinging. There was a minute of awkward silence before someone near the back with their head held under their arm said who's this twat?

— Yahtzee Croshaw

The main problem I always have with multiplayer is that human beings are grabby, entitled, selfish, ugly, stupid, evil cockstoppers.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Individuals are fine once you get to know them, especially if they're interesting in conversation or have large, sumptuous breasts, but I don't like people in the plural and I've seen very little to change my mind about that.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

There's something terribly weird about the standard fantasy setting
not least of which the fact the phrase "standard fantasy setting" can be uttered without irony.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

I am a crab. I am thinking crabby thoughts. I am tightening my grip on this rock with my big red pincers.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Could somebody please invade America? I know it's not exactly prime real estate and can just about produce corn and shitty TV, but someone really needs to help them blow off some steam.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

How exactly does a steam-powered gun turret differentiate between friend and foe? I wasn't aware that boiled water could form allegiances.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

A good story is like a good bowel movement: it's only really satisfying once it's ended, because if you just keep going eventually your body runs out of shit and moves on to pushing all your internal organs out your sphincter until only a foul smelling shell remains and anyone who wants to get into your incredibly long poo gets turned off because they have to go through all the poo up until that point to have the necessary context.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

What were they going to do after killing the president, declare themselves king?

— Yahtzee Croshaw

The Necromancer's Tower squatted over the river like an incontinent titan.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Maybe she's preemptively getting her karmic backlash for that, but there's something icky about all this. Yes, the "hello, boys" chest like two friendly chinchillas, Bigfoot ball stomper Lara Croft was oversexualized, but this is still sexualization from the opposite, somehow even creepier side of the coin. At least that Tyrannosaurus in the first game never tried to feel her up.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Releasing videos on YouTube is kind of like throwing messages in bottles out into a churning sea made up entirely of messages in bottles. The chance of your message getting noticed and someone being sent out to rescue you is punishingly slim. But every once in a blue moon someone who owns a big boat made of money finds your message and agrees to let you ride on his big boat made of money if you keep making messages for him.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

The man in the headdress nodded. "On that note, I'd like to quickly ask David if there's been any headway in getting the air conditioning back online." A slight murmur of discontent indicated the importance of this matter, directed at a blond young man with a tanning-bed complexion. "Well, Gary," he sighed. "There isn't much we can do without electricity, but my team has been researching alternatives. One of my engineers proposed a system of fans powered by dogs in giant hamster wheels, but the major issue there is our limited dog inventory. We'll keep looking into it.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Drelmere and sons, fine outfitters for the discerning magician!" he was shouting, his voice barely carrying over the hubbub. "Robes! Pointy hats! Beard grooming supplies! Yes, you sir, how can OH GOD HURRAAARRGLAB."
I waited patiently for him to finish decorating the pavement with his stomach contents. "Sorry," he said, bent double and gulping. Impressively, he immediately continued his sales pitch from that position. "Looking for a new robe?"
"Yes, this one's starting to whiff a bit."
"Yes, I ... gathered that, sir." He took a few deep, groaning breaths into a star-patterned hanky and seemed to gather himself.
"What sort of price range were you OH GOD YOUR EYES HURRAAARRGLAB."
I tapped my now bile-sodden foot. "Shall I come back later?

— Yahtzee Croshaw

State your HURRAAARRGLAB," went the monarch.
"Mr. Wonderful," said the advisor, daintily wiping the king's mouth with a hanky. "What do we keep telling you about your interrogation methods? The information's never reliable and it really hurts our image."
"It's all right," I sighed. "This is my actual face.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

If you ask me, the hypothetical zenith of gaming technology is direct neural interface - no body to hamper you and your brain is in whatever you want it to be in. Plus it leads to existential uncertainty, which could be entertaining.

— Yahtzee Croshaw

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