W.C. Fields Quotes

Enjoy the top 238 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by W.C. Fields.

W.C. Fields Quotes

If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
— W.C. Fields —

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

— W.C. Fields

Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.

— W.C. Fields

A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

— W.C. Fields

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

— W.C. Fields

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

— W.C. Fields

All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.

— W.C. Fields

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

— W.C. Fields

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