Tommy Cooper Quotes

Enjoy the top 56 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Tommy Cooper.

Tommy Cooper Quotes

A man walked into the doctors, The doctor said I havent seen you in a long time The man replied, I know Ive been ill.
— Tommy Cooper —

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

— Tommy Cooper

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.

— Tommy Cooper

I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.

— Tommy Cooper

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

— Tommy Cooper

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

— Tommy Cooper

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!

— Tommy Cooper

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.

— Tommy Cooper

A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My chips are too hot.

— Tommy Cooper

A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

— Tommy Cooper

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

— Tommy Cooper

My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.

— Tommy Cooper

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

— Tommy Cooper

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

— Tommy Cooper

Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.

— Tommy Cooper

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"

— Tommy Cooper

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