Tim Dorsey Quotes

Enjoy the top 89 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Tim Dorsey.

Tim Dorsey Quotes

Natures what its all about, but our people have been brainwashed into thinking that life is a cell phone against your head and the TV on a beer commercial with hot chicks.
— Tim Dorsey —

I don't suffer from insanity. I can actually say that I enjoy it.

— Tim Dorsey

The television was on Florida Cable News. A gray-haired man behind the anchor desk reported near tragedy at a state motor vehicle office, where a man who had failed the eye exam pulled a gun and fired fifteen shots at the staff, hitting nobody.

— Tim Dorsey

First, they set the hook with mind-bending kinky shit. Then a year later you're living in a Talking Heads song, dressed like Teddy Ruxpin, living with a strange woman in a big house full of frilly throw pillows, experiencing the frequency of sex that can only be charted by Halley's Comet. and you're wondering: How did I get here?

— Tim Dorsey

Your mom's not that bad," said Jim. "Are you trying to make me mad?" "Okay she is." "I knew it. You've never liked her." "What's the right answer?" "So you're just telling me what I want to hear?" Jim reached over and put a hand on his wifes. "I love you.

— Tim Dorsey

Traveling is all about talking to new people. That's the ball game. That's the whole point, travel to an exotic place, meet the people, immerse in their culture, and find out why they're so fucked up. If you're not going to spill your guts to complete strangers, why take the trip? You might as well just stay home abusing sex toys until that mishap that brings paramedics and you become the talk of the neighborhood. But communication is easy for me because I'm a listener. I love to hear people gab about themselves. Every single person is special. Everyone has great stories. Like you. I'll bet you have a million. How old are you? Sixty?

— Tim Dorsey

Gasparilla is Tampa's annual heritage festival, and Tampa's heritage appears to be about alcohol.

— Tim Dorsey

Two preppies from the University of South Florida tried to hit on her with cocaine jokes. Sharon

— Tim Dorsey

What's this whole Parrot Head phenomenon about, anyway?" asked Crease. "It's kind of like AA in reverse.

— Tim Dorsey

WITH THREE WEEKS to go in the Florida governor's race, the Tallahassee morning newspaper ran the following headline: 2 HEADS EXPLODE IN SEPARATE INCIDENTS

— Tim Dorsey

There's the landmark Columbia Restaurant. Try the paella, or the 1905 salad. That virgin olive oil they use!" Serge kissed his fingertips. "Know why it's called the 1905 salad? That's the year they first opened. Very historic. Over a hundred years in the same spot. And you know what that means? Everyone who ate those first salads: all dead.

— Tim Dorsey

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