Phyllis Diller Quotes

Enjoy the top 206 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Phyllis Diller.

Phyllis Diller Quotes

This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
— Phyllis Diller —

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

— Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

— Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

— Phyllis Diller

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

— Phyllis Diller

My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.

— Phyllis Diller

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

— Phyllis Diller

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

— Phyllis Diller

You want to look younger ... rent smaller children.

— Phyllis Diller

My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.

— Phyllis Diller

The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids ... and when you're away from them, who needs it?.

— Phyllis Diller

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

— Phyllis Diller

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