Paul Merton Quotes

Enjoy the top 43 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Paul Merton.

Paul Merton Quotes

Have you ever had sex with a horse?
— Paul Merton —

When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think I've won.

— Paul Merton

When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.

— Paul Merton

When things are difficult, awful, stressful, the thing that always gets you through is a sense of humour. I don't mean - well, maybe I do - laugh at the hangman as he puts the noose around your neck. But an eye, an ear, for the ridiculous, the absurd in life, can get you through a lot.

— Paul Merton

In a psychiatric hospital, a lot of people believe that people on TV are talking to them directly through the screen. I'm with about 500 of these people, and I'm on TV every Friday night. As I was queuing up for breakfast one morning, one guy nearly jumped out of his skin. My first thought was to go 'Woooo!'

— Paul Merton

And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.

— Paul Merton

I was trying to organise my DVDs into a sort of chronological order, and I am afraid that it all trailed off after the Sixties.

— Paul Merton

Generally speaking, politicians are an odd bunch. They seem to have very thick skins and genuinely don't care what people think. And charm is a very important part of the politician's armoury. I try to resist that kind of charm.

— Paul Merton

I was never one to go up to someone as a five- or six-year-old and say, 'Hello, my name's Paul, will you be my friend?' But I found if I did an impression of the PE teacher or whatever and people laughed, then they did like me, and so then they started talking to me, rather than me making the initial overture and then maybe being rebuffed.

— Paul Merton

I don't consider myself a fashion victim. I consider fashion a victim of me.

— Paul Merton

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