Patton Oswalt Quotes

Enjoy the top 142 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Patton Oswalt.

Patton Oswalt Quotes

Im grateful that I had that uphill battle for 10 years of going onstage and having nobody know who I was, because you have to win them over.
— Patton Oswalt —

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.

— Patton Oswalt

Hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a woman who then initiated intercourse')

— Patton Oswalt

Eight people show up. The emcee is warm, friendly, and about as funny as Shoah. I take the stage to the sound of, my hand to God, one person clapping once and only once, and then I start into my act.

— Patton Oswalt

I'm sitting at the bar, rearranging the order of my jokes. I'm under the delusion that I'm having bad shows because of some cosmic misalignment of words, phrases, and ideas. I may as well have cast runes into a spirit bowl, hoping that the collective heart of the audience would open to my necromantic call. Maybe that's how jugglers do it. Those guys never have shitty sets.

— Patton Oswalt

Comedy and terror and autobiography and comics and literature-they're all the same thing. To me.

— Patton Oswalt

90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.

— Patton Oswalt

We're rewarding either the reality or the appearance of youth, which is why you have all these people in their fifties trying to act like they're seventeen. You know, it's great to be young. Be young. By all means, be young. But always remember that youth is also kinda dumb, and doesn't know a lot yet.

— Patton Oswalt

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

— Patton Oswalt

If someone like this were to like me, to like my comedy, and to like the way I conduct myself professionally, it would mean that I suck as a person.

— Patton Oswalt

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

— Patton Oswalt

The apocalypse is coming, that's the one thing I like about George Bush, I really think he can get us into the ... apocalypse, like the BIBLICAL ... I really think he believes that he'll be the guy in the white hat. I think he's read the Stephen King novel The Stand a couple times, and he really thinks there's a dark man in the desert somewhere and he's gonna fight him or something.

— Patton Oswalt

Even if you're popular, there are times when you just feel like you're not a part of things.

— Patton Oswalt

The truly great actors, like Charlize Theron, are just like, "I'm an actor. For hire. I show up, I do my job." There's no "I'm just waiting for the inspiration." They just do their jobs. They say, "Let's go over the scene a few times and get it."

— Patton Oswalt

I'm grateful that I had that uphill battle for 10 years of going onstage and having nobody know who I was, because you have to win them over.

— Patton Oswalt

I like confounding expectations. I can expand what it is I am able to do, and hopefully get to do more weird, interesting projects like this. There's nothing wrong with doing comedies, and I'm not against comedies, either, but I always want to do stuff that keeps me off my guard and gets me out of my comfort zone. And how the audience perceives that ... It's out of my hands. And I don't get that frustrated by it, because I'm on to the next thing at that point.

— Patton Oswalt

I'm such a bookworm, and I'm such a people-watcher. It took the Internet a while to catch on in Ireland, because the culture there is, you go to the pub and talk to people there, and that's how you get the news and all the gossip. You just do it face to face. And culturally, you just couldn't understand.

— Patton Oswalt

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