Les Dawson Quotes

Enjoy the top 50 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Les Dawson.

Les Dawson Quotes

With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
— Les Dawson —

Mind you, I've always been musical ... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'

— Les Dawson

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

— Les Dawson

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

— Les Dawson

I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing.

— Les Dawson

The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.

— Les Dawson

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

— Les Dawson

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

— Les Dawson

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

— Les Dawson

I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.

— Les Dawson

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another ... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

— Les Dawson

I toyed with the idea of playing Ravel's 'Pavane pour une infante defunte' but I couldn't remember if it's a tune or Latin prescription for piles.

— Les Dawson

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

— Les Dawson

Take my wife ... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.

— Les Dawson

Slumps don't bother me.

— Les Dawson

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

— Les Dawson

Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him.

— Les Dawson

I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.

— Les Dawson

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