Kristen Schaal Quotes

Enjoy the top 70 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Kristen Schaal.

Kristen Schaal Quotes

I used to go to open mics in New York when I was starting out, and it was mostly just people who wanted an audience to look at them for eight minutes on a stage.
— Kristen Schaal —

I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.

— Kristen Schaal

I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

— Kristen Schaal

Being a correspondent on 'The Daily Show' is some combination of doing a character and doing stand-up. It's a juggling act to find a balance between being you and playing a role.

— Kristen Schaal

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

— Kristen Schaal

I love the idea that I have the power to look for the projects I can put myself into, but I'm still at that level of just being happy to have a job.

— Kristen Schaal

I definitely do weird things every show.

— Kristen Schaal

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

— Kristen Schaal

I'd hate to be a writer forever and never perform, and I'd hate to perform and not write. I get sad if time has passed and I haven't written or made anything. I'm an artist.

— Kristen Schaal

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

— Kristen Schaal

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

— Kristen Schaal

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

— Kristen Schaal

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

— Kristen Schaal

The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

— Kristen Schaal

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