Joseph Heller Quotes

Enjoy the top 365 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Joseph Heller.

Joseph Heller Quotes

Captain Piltchard and Captain Wren, the inoffensive joint squadron operations officers, were both mild, soft-spoken men of less than middle height who enjoyed flying combat missions and begged nothing more of life and Colonel Cathcart than the opportunity to continue flying them. They had flown hundreds of combat missions and wanted to fly hundreds more. They assigned themselves to every one. Nothing so wonderful as war had ever happened to them before; and they were afraid it might never happen to them again.
— Joseph Heller —

The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him.

— Joseph Heller

What do you do when it rains?"
The captain answered frankly. "I get wet.

— Joseph Heller

Sure, that's what I mean,' Doc Daneeka said. 'A little grease is what makes this world go round. One hand washes the other. Know what I mean? You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.'
Yossarian knew what he meant.
That's not what I meant,' Doc Daneeka said, as Yossarian began scratching his back.

— Joseph Heller

Rise above principal and do what's right.

— Joseph Heller

Help!' he shrieked shrilly in a voice strangling in its own emotion, as the policemen carried him to the open doors in the rear of the ambulance and threw him inside. 'Police! Help! Police!' The doors were shut and bolted, and the ambulance raced away. There was a humorless irony in the ludicrous panic of the man screaming for help to the police while policemen were all around him. Yossarian smiled wryly at the futile and ridiculous cry for aid, then saw with a start that the words were ambiguous, realized with alarm that they were not perhaps, intended as a call for police but as a heroic warning from the grave by a doomed friend to everyone who was not a policeman with a club and gun and a mob of other policemen with clubs and guns to back him up. 'Help! Police!' the man had cried, and he could have been shouting of danger.

— Joseph Heller

But Yossarian knew he was right, because, as he explained to Clevinger, to the best of his knowledge he had never been wrong.

— Joseph Heller

Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat.

— Joseph Heller

What could you do? Major Major asked himself again. What could you do with a man who looked you squarely in the eye and said he would rather die than be killed in combat, a man who was at least as mature and intelligent as you were and who you had to pretend was not? What could you say to him?

— Joseph Heller

I wonder what kind of person would come out if I ever did erase all my inhibitions at once, what kind of being is bottled up inside me now.

— Joseph Heller

I'd rather have peanut brittle crumbs on my face than flies in my eyes, Havermeyer retorted.

— Joseph Heller

Group Headquarters was alarmed, for there was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to. Colonel

— Joseph Heller

Like all the other officers at Group Headquarters except Major Danby, Colonel Cathcart was infused with the democratic spirit: he believed that all men were created equal, and he therefore spurned all men outside Group Headquarters with equal fervor.

— Joseph Heller

Yossarian left money in the old woman's lap-it was odd how many wrongs leaving money seemed to right-and

— Joseph Heller

Little by little, or maybe all at once, everything comes to mean its opposite; unreason argues itself into reason, and vice versa, and we cannot see the seams.

— Joseph Heller

History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.

— Joseph Heller

I can't start writing until I have a closing line.

— Joseph Heller

Let someone else get killed!

— Joseph Heller

If God was dead, how could I feel this bad?

— Joseph Heller

Yossarian decided to change the subject. "Now you're changing the subject." he pointed out diplomatically. "I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for.

— Joseph Heller

Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.)

— Joseph Heller

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