Jon Stewart Quotes

Enjoy the top 470 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Jon Stewart.

Jon Stewart Quotes

No one is better at not beating America than England.
— Jon Stewart —

So, is there hope for a truly democratic Africa? Long answer: Only if continent-wide improvements in education, human rights and public health are coupled with an aggressive and far-sighted debt-relief program that breaks the cycle of subsistence farming and urban squalor. Short answer: No.

— Jon Stewart

[Politicans] are salespeople. Instead of rotisserie ovens they are selling this idea of preemptive war or social-security reforms.

— Jon Stewart

Don't censor yourself to comfort their ignorance.

— Jon Stewart

I can't rationalize the brilliance and knowledge that you have about the intricacies of the market with the crazy bullshit I see you do each night.

— Jon Stewart

Hopefully the process is to spot things that would be grist for the funny mill. In some respects, the heavier subjects are the ones that are most loaded with opportunity because they have the most - you know, the difference between potential and kinetic energy? - they have the most potential energy, so to delve into that gives you the largest combustion, the most interest. I don't mean for the audience. I mean for us. Everyone here is working too hard to do stuff we don't care about.

— Jon Stewart

As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to be making jokes about that. Who wants to miss out on that? If the world is going to end, I want to be there the night before, goofing off.

— Jon Stewart

President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth.

— Jon Stewart

They may want to insist that corporations are people but corporations are certainly not Americans.

— Jon Stewart

Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is - and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving behind a shiny gold coin.

— Jon Stewart

I only find out where countries are when we start bombing them.

— Jon Stewart

Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?

— Jon Stewart

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