John Oliver Quotes

Enjoy the top 130 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by John Oliver.

John Oliver Quotes

Ive always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.
— John Oliver —

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.

— John Oliver

If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring. Apple could put the entire text of "Mein Kampf" inside the iTunes user agreement, and you'd just go agree, agree, agree - what? - agree, agree.

— John Oliver

I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.

— John Oliver

Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.

— John Oliver

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.

— John Oliver

I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas.

— John Oliver

People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.

— John Oliver

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

— John Oliver

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!

— John Oliver

I would hate to meet myself at 15.

— John Oliver

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.

— John Oliver

The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen.

— John Oliver

Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts.

— John Oliver

News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.

— John Oliver

Ads are baked into content like chocolate chips into a cookie. Except, it's actually more like raisins into a cookie because no one [expletive] wants them there.

— John Oliver

Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.

— John Oliver

The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you've probably already done something very, very wrong.

— John Oliver

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.

— John Oliver

John Oliver Quotes Pictures

Want to see more pictures of John Oliver quotes? Click on image of John Oliver quotes to view full size.

John Oliver Quotes Pictures 1
John Oliver Quotes Pictures 2
John Oliver Quotes Pictures 3
John Oliver Quotes Pictures 4