Jim Norton Quotes

Enjoy the top 46 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Jim Norton.

Jim Norton Quotes

The only time the press doesnt sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then.
— Jim Norton —

The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

— Jim Norton

What a shock that a guy who makes $2 million a week behaves exactly like I would with $2 million a week. As far as I'm concerned, if you make $2 million a week and you don't have a hooker in your hotel room, you're creepy and I don't trust you. And I don't do drugs at all, so for me it would just be more prostitutes. That's how they would find me. I would be dead on the floor, flattened by a pile of prostitutes. I'd look like a cat in a hoarders' house.

— Jim Norton

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.

— Jim Norton

I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.

— Jim Norton

God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve.

— Jim Norton

They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.

— Jim Norton

I don't pull out because ... it's not my problem.

— Jim Norton

For the record, I hate skiing ... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

— Jim Norton

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.

— Jim Norton

When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating ... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.

— Jim Norton

That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.

— Jim Norton

No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.

— Jim Norton

You look like a diabetic strip club owner.

— Jim Norton

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