J. B. Smoove Quotes

Enjoy the top 106 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by J. B. Smoove.

J. B. Smoove Quotes

Women put guys through tests all the time.
— J. B. Smoove —

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: I should be european man im long and
I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat.

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: I have big hands i cant do the touch
I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons.

— J. B. Smoove

It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies.

— J. B. Smoove

When you speak directly at things and don't say you're going to try to do something or that you hope to do something, the universe will work with you. Think about it this way - a boomerang goes out and comes back to you if you throw it. If you throw it out at the universe, it will come back down to you on Earth.

— J. B. Smoove

There's book smart, there is street smart, there's relationship smart, there's too many different kinds of smarts to know all of them. Everybody doesn't know every kind of smart. There's money smart, there's movie smart, there's computer smart. There's just too many different kinds of smarts for people to know all the smarts.

— J. B. Smoove

I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers, man. They all call me The Thief.

— J. B. Smoove

My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing.

— J. B. Smoove

I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.

— J. B. Smoove

I'm, like, everybody's friend. I'm one of those dudes. I can be friends with anybody. Any race of person, any personality, I can kind of deal with them. I accept different types of people.

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: You buy a new iphone a few months later
You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one. You can't get enough. You are addicted to Apple.

— J. B. Smoove

Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove.

— J. B. Smoove

A lot of comedians are selfish.

— J. B. Smoove

I try to dress smooth, I try to keep my face shaved, I try to keep my head cut. I try to do all the things to keep it smooth going!

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: I wish black people had a flag they
I wish black people had a flag they could put into the ground, like when the troops stormed Iwo Jima.

— J. B. Smoove

True Yankees fans know an up-and-coming player when they see one.

— J. B. Smoove

What happens in improv is you create your own storyline.

— J. B. Smoove

You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist?

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: I tell people all the time as i was
I tell people all the time, as I was going through my process of being a comedian or being an actor and a writer at 'SNL,' I tell people that everything you do is all a piece of your puzzle to determine where you're going to end up at.

— J. B. Smoove

Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids, and I can get into the mind of a kid. In my brain, I consider myself the ultimate video game player. The ultimate snack maker.

— J. B. Smoove

Sometimes you can make friends, and sometimes you can take friends. Sometimes people want to be friends with you, and you gotta be like, 'Okay, I can deal with this person's personality and be their friend, but not necessarily do I have to change who I am. I'm not gonna change myself to be their friend.'

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: When i first started doing comedy years
When I first started doing comedy years ago, I used to be the biggest Michael Richards fan. I used to love this dude. He was on a TV show called 'Fridays,' and man, he was tall and lanky - and I was tall and lanky. I love physical comedy, and he was a physical comedian, and I said, 'Man, I love this guy.'

— J. B. Smoove

If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late.

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: All you wanna do in life is do what you
All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

— J. B. Smoove

I love to pitch things that I believe in and products that I love to use.

— J. B. Smoove

I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace.

— J. B. Smoove

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: Remember tupperware that was the
Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

— J. B. Smoove

Women put guys through tests all the time.

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: I can apply myself to the format of snl
I can apply myself to the format of 'SNL,' I can apply myself to the format of 'Conan,' but at the same time, I'm still being J. B. Smoove. I'm not changing up my style, I'm not changing up how I think, what's funny to me, my delivery, the way I carry myself.

— J. B. Smoove

I loved Peter Sellers. I thought he was the perfect mix of physical comedy with out-of-the-box humor. I loved his tone; I loved his physicality; I loved everything about what he was doing as a comedic actor.

— J. B. Smoove

Mel Gibson is losing it. I don't know how people still supporting this dude's movies like it's all good. That dude is nuts. All you gotta do is shut him down and don't support any of his movies.

— J. B. Smoove

I think what I do in my acting world and what I do in my standup world is bring up a brand that I want to bring across. Once you figure out your brand and what you do, it's kind of easy at that. You end up getting your audience.

— J. B. Smoove

I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: You cant let people take advantage of
You can't let people take advantage of you. Go get that ass.

— J. B. Smoove

There're rules to being the side chick. Rule number one: you're number two.

— J. B. Smoove

I could never live with you; not 'cause I'm racist or nothing. It's just 'cause as a black man in America, I need to have someone I can come home and complain about white people to. And that just don't work with my white wife.

— J. B. Smoove

I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new path.

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: I am the comedy version of ambidextrous
I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

— J. B. Smoove

Sometimes, when you get a girl pregnant, you blame the condom. His condom broke that night.

— J. B. Smoove

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

— J. B. Smoove

Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious.

— J. B. Smoove

When you're on stage performing stand-up, things only happen one time. I've done bits where I improv a joke, and people are dying. The next show, I try to repeat it, I can't do it. Because with the first audience that was our moment. It can't happen the same way again. We were all there: a certain type of people were at that show and we all got it.

— J. B. Smoove

Curb Your Enthusiasm set me up so perfectly. That was one of my favorite shows before I got on it. That started a whole different level of a story for me. I didn't know how to process it until after I got on the show and realized what the purpose of it was.

— J. B. Smoove

J. B. Smoove Quotes: You have to fail man but you cannot
You have to fail, man, but you cannot allow failure to stop you from doing what you must do. Failing is just as good as succeeding in a lot of ways. It's how you react to it all. You can react to success the wrong way and be a total failure. Or you can react to losing with your whole heart, learn from it, and be a huge success. In stand-up, I've learned to know when I'm burning it up or when I'm being so-so. That's experience. I learn every single time I'm on a stage.

— J. B. Smoove

Keep it real by being straight forward. Don't pull no punches on people. It's better to tell somebody than just lollygag around, letting them think they're living their life the right way. Because some people don't know what the hell they're doing, they don't know if they're living the right way or making the right decisions. Some people don't know that.

— J. B. Smoove

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