Groucho Marx Quotes

Enjoy the top 320 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Groucho Marx.

Groucho Marx Quotes

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. Theres no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
— Groucho Marx —

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

— Groucho Marx

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

— Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

— Groucho Marx

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

— Groucho Marx

My mother loved children
she would have given anything if I had been one.

— Groucho Marx

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

— Groucho Marx

I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home.
Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup:

— Groucho Marx

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

— Groucho Marx

There was no need to inform us of the protocol involved. We were from Chicago and knew all about cement.

— Groucho Marx

I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing

— Groucho Marx

Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face

— Groucho Marx

Only if the computers really love each other.

— Groucho Marx

Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.

— Groucho Marx

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.

— Groucho Marx

That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus

— Groucho Marx

Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?

— Groucho Marx

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

— Groucho Marx

Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.

— Groucho Marx

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