Dennis Miller Quotes

Enjoy the top 251 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Dennis Miller.

Dennis Miller Quotes

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For Gods sake, they were blowing peoples heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasnt even coffee.
— Dennis Miller —

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

— Dennis Miller

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

— Dennis Miller

I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless.

— Dennis Miller

Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.

— Dennis Miller

The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.

— Dennis Miller

Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!

— Dennis Miller

America was founded by puritans and like it or not the anti-pleasure dogma of those buckled-shoed killjoys still pervades our collective unconscious like an I-max shot of Dennis Franz's naked hairy cop ass. Hence, anything enjoyable is automatically forbidden and bad and in our panic to avoid it at all cost we become obsessed with it ... like dressing up in a pink teddy and a pair of ugboots and repeatedly screaming the word 'VERBOTEN!' into a conk shell balanced on the back on a miniature pony ... Oh, I see.. That would just be me.

— Dennis Miller

The Democrats continue to snipe at Bush. They'll never give it up to him. You know Teddy Kennedy and Tom Daschle pick more nits than a father and son spider monkey team who know they're being followed by a National Geographic film crew.

— Dennis Miller

Teresa Lewis, the only woman on death row in Virginia, says she doesn't deserve the death penalty because she only hired the killers of her husband and stepson, she didn't actually pull the trigger herself. You know, she has a point. I think we should let her be able to hire the person who executes her, and not do yourself in! How's that, doll? Yeah! Get it over with quick, maybe Charlize Theron will sign up to play you.

— Dennis Miller

Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in.

— Dennis Miller

Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry cleaned the next day.

— Dennis Miller

He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.

— Dennis Miller

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

— Dennis Miller

I'd rather be funny than wise.

— Dennis Miller

Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.

— Dennis Miller

Dennis Miller Quotes Pictures

Want to see more pictures of Dennis Miller quotes? Click on image of Dennis Miller quotes to view full size.

Dennis Miller Quotes Pictures 1
Dennis Miller Quotes Pictures 2
Dennis Miller Quotes Pictures 3
Dennis Miller Quotes Pictures 4