David Sedaris Quotes

Enjoy the top 559 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by David Sedaris.

David Sedaris Quotes

I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they wont be offended.
— David Sedaris —

Boys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat.

— David Sedaris

I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.

— David Sedaris

Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about.

— David Sedaris

I like the trail that the Internet created. For example, I was watching one of those Douglas Sirk movies, and I noticed that Rock Hudson towered over everyone, and I typed in "How tall was" and I saw "How tall was Jesus," and I'm like, "Sure," and half an hour later you're somewhere you didn't expect to be. It doesn't work that same way in books, does it? Even if you have an encyclopedia, the trail isn't that crazy. I like that aspect of it.

— David Sedaris

I never got the idea of a punishing God, just a really boring one. To see people growing up in the Carolinas who were Baptist, I knew there were others who felt God was going to send them to hell for any little thing, but not me.

— David Sedaris

The message was that if something is free, you should only take the best. If, on the other hand, you're forced to pay, it's best to lower the bar and not be so choosy.

— David Sedaris

I see you that have a little swimming mouse

— David Sedaris

The slumber party took place in what the Methodists called a family room, the Catholics used as an extra bedroom, and the neighborhood's only Jews had turned into a combination darkroom and fallout shelter.

— David Sedaris

Though harsh in other respects, prison would be an excellent place to learn a foreign language - total immersion, and you'd have the new slang before it even hit the streets.

— David Sedaris

Nothing irritated her more than these high-and-mighty vegetarians who ate meat sometimes and then decided that it didn't really count.

— David Sedaris

People who have nothing to prove offer practical baby gifts: sturdy cotton rompers made to withstand the cycle of vomit and regular washing. People who are competing for the titles of best-loved aunts and uncles - people like my sisters and me - send satin pants and delicate hand-crafted sweaters accompanied by notes reading P.S. The fur collar is detachable.

— David Sedaris

I said that Santa no longer traffics in coal. Instead, if you're bad he comes to your house and steals things.

— David Sedaris

Weeks passed, my suitcase grew more and more conventional. "I've got something for you," I'd say to a teenager. "It's nothing huge,

— David Sedaris

When you go to that other country you realize that in France and in England, you don't ask somebody what they do for a living when you meet someone. A lot of the obvious things, the shortcuts we take in America - in America you can talk about money all you want. You can ask how much they make, rent they pay, how much their house costs and how much their car costs, and they'll feel comfortable telling you. But it's scandalous to ask anyone in England or France a question like that.

— David Sedaris

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