Bill Burr Quotes

Enjoy the top 96 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Bill Burr.

Bill Burr Quotes

Im always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesnt get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about whats bugging me.
— Bill Burr —

I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.

— Bill Burr

Bill Burr Quotes: Im not going to lie i am a psycho
I'm not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage.

— Bill Burr

I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don't. The misery will come. The misery will find you.

— Bill Burr

I have this weird sort of Gemini thing where I can really be empathetic and a loving person. But if you piss me off, I can be one of the meanest, most sadistic people.

— Bill Burr

You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can't believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.

— Bill Burr

Podcasting is great. Total freedom.

— Bill Burr

They say you don't want to meet your heroes, but those two guys, you do want to meet them, because they do not disappoint. Walken has this amazing sense of humor, and Pacino is like just a sweetheart of a guy.

— Bill Burr

Bill Burr Quotes: You start in bars and then restaurants
You start in bars and then restaurants, then you want to get into comedy clubs where you feature, then you headline, and once you sell out clubs you're into theaters. I've been able to get there, and it's cool to do that.

— Bill Burr

The first night you walk down to a comedy club, at least for me, I had my voice, and then I went on stage and I lost it.

— Bill Burr

Patrice O'Neal is the best comic I ever saw.

— Bill Burr

Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it's a fun place to live.

— Bill Burr

Bill Burr Quotes: There is a very difficult period in a
There is a very difficult period in a comedian's career - it's that window of time where you're good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet.

— Bill Burr

Carnegie Hall is as good as they say it is. It's not like Stonehenge which looks great in books but then you go there and it's a pile of rocks next to a highway. There's actually a highway right next to it, but you don't see that in pictures.

— Bill Burr

I've battled with that type of stuff, but what I've found is that by doing stand-up, I've actually learned about depression and how to combat it. I don't have clinical, but I've definitely had my bouts with it.

— Bill Burr

I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously.

— Bill Burr

Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing.

— Bill Burr

Realize that sleeping on a futon when you're 30 is not the worst thing. You know what's worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you're not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate. You'll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There's no risk when you go after a dream. There's a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.

— Bill Burr

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

— Bill Burr

I've found is that by doing stand-up, I've actually learned how to combat depression. I don't have clinical, but I've definitely had my bouts with it. I just figured out that it's a choice. You're in control of your brain. When your brain is sending you bad information or bad thoughts, you can decide to go to the gym, or write a new joke - or if you're on the road, go to a ball game ... something that's going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.

— Bill Burr

Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I'm yelling?

— Bill Burr

I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.

— Bill Burr

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

— Bill Burr

Any other town you go to there's this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder. A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there's like a devil and a devil and they're just battling it out the whole time. It's like, "Smoke some crack!" "Get a hooker!" And then I go, "YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!

— Bill Burr

Bill Burr Quotes: I actually had the urge to elbow an
I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today ...

— Bill Burr

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

— Bill Burr

It's a great time to be a comedian because you've got so much more control. You can say what you want to. I think in the old days with the studio system the performer was a bit of an afterthought. You can be a wildcard on the internet. But if you put something on the internet once it's out there it's out there for life.

— Bill Burr

A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they're really small.

— Bill Burr

I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?

— Bill Burr

Some guy workin' at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can't do it, because whores don't care about lumber.

— Bill Burr

Bill Burr Quotes: If this goes into sweatshop labor im
If this goes into sweatshop labor, I'm quitting this podcast.

— Bill Burr

There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you like 17 right off the top of my head.

— Bill Burr

I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don't like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it's good.

— Bill Burr

I was painfully shy when I was younger but at some point you've gotta grow up. I think the genius in the man-boy thing is you tap into a woman's motherly instincts.

— Bill Burr

Bill Burr Quotes: You have no idea how long a year is
You have no idea how long a year is until you're stone sober.

— Bill Burr

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

— Bill Burr

I think the fear of humiliating yourself on stage always motivates me to give at least 90 percent. I've definitely been guilty of leaning on the mic stand, but you can only do that so long before you're like, "Jesus, I'm bombing." The fact that people pay to come see me, that's really just out the window.

— Bill Burr

Bill Burr Quotes: I think i know how to raise a kid you
I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don't even notice that you're filling up their heads with your theories.

— Bill Burr

I was scared to death because for the comics of my generation, HBO specials are like the pinnacle. I'm thinking of all these unbelievable comedians I've seen on HBO: Chris Rock, George Carlin, Damon Wayans, Richard Pryor and Billy Crystal. I started having a panic attack seeing my name in that list of people. It was pretty overwhelming.

— Bill Burr

Bill Burr Quotes: I am so pro swine flu i want it we need
I am so pro-swine flu ... I want it. We need a plague. It's got to happen; don't be afraid. It's only going to kill the weak.

— Bill Burr

It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there. Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, 'What do you think you're doing!' The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.

— Bill Burr

As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names ... 'The Thing That Shouldn't Be'. 'The Chair That Wasn't There', you know?

— Bill Burr

You wanna know how you know you're informed as a protestor? They don't show your interview on TV.

— Bill Burr

Oh look, an ATM! Ok, here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.

— Bill Burr

Bill Burr Quotes: People make a big deal about podcasts
People make a big deal about podcasts but it's basically an online radio show with the sound effects and sidekicks, but because you can curse it's more like satellite radio. Most of the podcasters were morning guys who were fired when Clear Channel decimated the radio landscape.

— Bill Burr

If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

— Bill Burr

I'm trying to get away from trashing women, to be honest. I think I've done enough of that in my career.

— Bill Burr

Business runs hot and cold so the more you're in charge of your own destiny, the better off you are.

— Bill Burr

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